My husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia with Alzheimer’s features. A hallmark of vascular dementia is sudden, precipitous, “overnight” declines then plateaus, for a period of time, who knows how long. After eight years of slow cognitive decline, March 2022 brought the overnight one- it was shocking!
The PCP practice squeezed him in for an appt that afternoon, a male friend came and got him to get in the car, we were sent to the ER from the office visit, he was admitted and stayed for 2 weeks. They ran every test imaginable, lots of repeat bloodwork. He had two combative meltdowns in eight days that Security had to be called (imagine two hulking big men standing, facing away from the entrance to his room until he tired and calmed down). The specialists and his PCP and our family was adamant that I could not handle him at home.
So very fortunately, the assistive living that my mother had lived at for 3 years, which we loved, had a single room, knew us, was willing to take him. He is fully ambulatory, but I paid for wheelchair transport to bring him there, I was afraid he wouldn’t get out of the car, they told me not to visit for 2 days.
My sister-in-law and I had worked quickly to set up the room with favorite things, hang pictures, mark clothes, buy twin bedding and make up the bed. They told me when he arrived, they made sure to have staff he knew from when my mother was there up front to greet him.
Fast forward to now, he is in his best health in years with the structure of the home. He gets and accepts his meds and finger sticks (was very uncooperative with me), he eats 3 regular meals and snacks at regular times (would refuse what I made, demand sweets- drive to buy them if I didn’t), sleeps on a regular schedule (would stay up all night on the computer and sleep all day), and enjoys the social give-and-take with staff and a little group of guy friends. He doesn’t ask to go home, when he did in the beginning, the PCP suggested saying, “ Dr. ______ wants you to stay for now to get the extra support.” He accepted this.
Sorry this is so long, just wanted to reassure you that the sudden declines are not unusual and that if things become untenable and unsafe at home, assistive living is not the bugaboo some try to say. I visited a certified Elder Law attorney to get things in place for our financial future, highly recommend.
One last thought on assistive living- I worked in Home Care as an OT for many years, I was in and out of every assistive living in our county and close to the border in adjoining counties. I purposefully chose this assistive living for my mother and husband as it has a “Mom and Pop” flavor, as in “this is your home, you want to wear pjs and a robe to breakfast, come on down!” There are many ALs that have a “medical model” flavor- the staff wear specific uniforms, residents are expected to dress before leaving their rooms, you’ll see cliques form of more cognizant residents who disdain those less able. Please don’t be swayed by chandeliers in the lobby.