I hear you Mary! I also have 40 years of nursing & if I learned anything, it is life can change in a minute! I try to find something I am grateful for-I am alive, I can live independently in my own house and bathe/feed/take care my ADL's, I can drive, and I am not tethered to oxygen. OK, so the bar is a lot lower than my life before covid. You walked through to the other side of cancer, you know struggle. My 25 year marriage ended after I got sober-16 years ago, I've walked through rough stuff too. And we are still standing on the green side of the grass, not 6' under.
I only spend my time with those who are the most important-my time an energy are precious. My bed isn't made, my hair isn't great, my home isn't spotless, gourmet meals are gone and family gatherings are catered-and that's ok. I feel like Helen Reddy: 'I am woman, hear me roar!'