I really had to read this over several times to let it sink in. A lot of wisdom and good advice there. I really appreciate your eschewing of religion. Everyone believes differently (or not) and the pushing of other's belief is not always tolerated well. I have been very down for a while. But I have received so much support from all the people here that I had a much better day yesterday - even with a doctor's appointment. Without being disrespectful I insisted that my doctor explain exactly what is going on with me. I told him reading about diagnoses after the fact just didn't cut it. So he did. In the end he said I was really doing well for my age and maybe better than people younger than me. I know why that is. In my 30's I got into racewalking. And even though I had a full-time job and a family to look after, I took the time to go to a track every day after work and race walk several miles. I did this until I retired at age 67. I still continued to walk until my right hip gave way and I ultimately had to have it replaced. So here I am at 88 with my mind still intact and with the help of a titanium hip so is my body. Things are still hard as I miss my husband so much. I don't yet have a clear picture of how this will end, but I go on - with the help of all of you. Thank you.