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I sent an email to my therapist to arrange for an appointment. I think a lot of my problems stem from low self esteem. Even though I am told differently, I can still hear my mother's voice telling me how stupid I am. I want to talk to my therapist about how to get her voice out of my head.
Replies to "I sent an email to my therapist to arrange for an appointment. I think a lot..."
Good for you!
In my opinion you are doing the best thing possible in your situation. Reaching out here is good and making that appointment is great!
I am very very sorry for all you have suffered. My own history is not all that different. And, over the years I have been suicidal as well. Mostly in 1983 and 1984, after being a violent crime victim.
Yes, therapists help.
But, you know, just be patient about everything. You have been profoundly wounded by life.
That may take some time to heal.
You are a strong person.
If not, you would have never posted at all.
That strength will serve you well and things will get better over time.
My mother did horrible, horrible things to me and to my brother. Criminal things.
But, we are both still here. My brother just got back from a wonderful birding trip in nature.
I am a faithful servant to my cat. I just do whatever she wants me to do. She makes me call her, "Your Majesty." It is not a relationship based on parity, but I don't mind serving my Queen.
Hang in there. Take care now.
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Morning! So glad to see that you have come back to talk with us! First I can tell you, you are clearly NOT stupid. I know the damage that can be done by abusers, not only physically but more the mental anguish because that seems to last the longest and cause the most pain. Second, Yes, being told degrading things about yourself over and over seems to plant those horrible seeds of self doubt, poor self esteem, feelings of worthlessness, etc. However, you said that you moved far away and succeeded in doing well for yourself. Met your husband had children. So looks like your mother was Wrong! It seems to me, from some of my own life experiences, it is when we are lonely, scared or just having a down day, that is when all of that self doubt raises it’s ugly head and the mean voices of the past get a little louder in your head. Just remember that bullies (abusers) are just that, bullies! YOU are better than that. YOU do not deserve nor need to accept their meanness! They, more than likely, we’re jealous of your good qualities. Do NOT accept what the abuser said! Accept your real truth, that you ARE a Good person and a person worthy of friends and love and goodness in your life! I am sorry for the loss of your husband. I do know that pain, but I also know that it does get easier as time passes, and I found it okay to remember my husband and cry sometimes, but better was to remember our good times and laugh and talk about him to others. You haven’t lost him, he will be there to welcome you when God calls you home. But, also know he would want you to be happy and if you believe in signs from our loved ones who have passed, watch for them, and you will be amazed to see he is watching over you too. Hope you have a wonderful day. Hopefully when the fog lifts from where you are, it will be a Beautiful day!