When I am depressed and surrounded by people I trust and who understand who I am, someone who accepts me as I am and as strong but someone who is vulnerable, and human with needs…Because even when I say, “I’m not feeing social” or “I’m not feeling well” that is when I truly need helpful, empathy and outreach.

Outreach I need Because when in the belly of the beast, it is hard to reach out or reach up when you are climbing for air to breath. Those who understand. When I am quietly depressed, they don’t tell you, “common mind over matter” or other such rubbish. The people who know me, know I’m like a clam sometimes I need quiet companionship, other times I might need to share.

Foremost, I don’t want to burden anyone. At the same time, if you know what I’m about you already know what I need and you will either help me knowing I need encouragement. I need to either talk or be silent until I break down. If I do, let me cry. If I cry hard. Let me do that too. Sometimes when life gives you lemons, they are another heavy bag to carry. This making lemonade when depression has set in just isn’t possible.

I don’t expect you to be my psychiatrist. But to let me be me. Be it the good, the bad and the ugly. With depression, I’ve read and heard it can be (repressed) anger turned inward. If I get angry, it’s not at you it’s my anger at something else and truth be told if I didn’t get help to unearth what needed unearthing I wouldn’t be where i am today.

I am grateful for…

developed-introspection that allows me to be honest with myself and others.

the moments I can sit in the sun and feel the suns warmth without the burn.

when I can smile, meaning it and not feel like I need to “fake it until I make it.”

when I don’t blame myself for feeling feelings by stuffing them deep down inside.

for the ability to feel gratitude.

for having my writing to express feelings, especially the deep ones. The ones that expose the soft underbelly that is soul.

for the strength to keep fighting to be the best version of myself.

Never give up the fight.

when you need support reach out. Even if its on a message board we are still people and can be supportive. I am so sorry you are feeling so poor.

I’ve been there and grieving for your lost time in your younger life and grieving for the lost relationship…we continue to grieve when we can’t let go. I learned I had to let go of the pain, hurt and abuse. I whispered to him, i don’t hold anything against you. And let him go. It hurt like hell. Sometimes there are other dimensions to a person that we don’t see (for whatever reason). It was a healing thing to do. I don’t feel anything was left unsaid.
🤗 💕