Good Morning! I am sorry that you feel this way, but you must want some kind of contact as you reached out with your post. You are not alone. Maybe if I tell you a little about me you will see there are more of us out here.
I was abused by my step-father for about 6 years. Starting when I was 5. Never told my mother until I was 17. Went through a phase after that thinking that men were horrible and women were only objects. Did a lot of stupid things during that time! Met a wonderful man, whom I married and had my first 3 children with. He made me laugh almost every single day of our 15 years together! He passed from cancer a month after he was diagnosed. I had our 3 young children, 13, 10 and 9. I decided to be their friend instead of their Mom. I was only 33 at that time. Big mistake! More stupidity on my part for about a year. Met another wonderful man and we became a blended family. He also had a 5 year old. We then had 2 more children together. Start of a new wonderful time! 7 years later, my oldest son was murdered, he was only 22. My heart still hurts for him every day! This coming May 9th it will be 16 years ago. Still hurts! 3 weeks ago, I had a lung segmentectomy and breast implant removal all in the same operation. I found out in January of this year I had a cancerous lung nodule in my left upper lung, and have been living with stage 4 encapsulated breast implants for the past 25 years. I feel so lucky to be alive! I am only 58, but have been through so much and could have died so many times! God didn’t want me yet.
You seem to be of good mind, as you can get on the internet and connect with people. I would say for 88 years of age, that impresses me! I mean no disrespect, that is truly a compliment! My mother in law is 90 and she has been stricken with dementia, can barely get around, has no idea about the internet or technology, etc. Her husband passed away 22 years ago. She kept going! She loved bingo! She loved socializing with her few close friends. When she stopped all of that is when she fell into the dementia. Rapid decline! Are you mobile? Do you attend a church? Do you have other family to keep in touch with? Do you like art, or music? Somewhere you can go to a museum, etc.? I hope you will reach out to more people, do things you like to do, if not in public than maybe virtually. I pray that God blesses you and you find a reason to keep going. Enjoy your life while you’re here! Best wishes to you!
Cindy