@dyevooshka
You are definitely not alone feeling the way you do.
We are suddenly thrown into a different orbit where everything is new and frightening.
For now, take a day at a time until you have a more definite schedule. Enjoy your walks with your dog for now. Spring is here. One day at a time.

I have felt the same way as you—I had no idea how a cancer diagnosis suddenly takes your immediate future away (it bothers me more than contemplating how much longer I have to live!). There are so very many appointments and tests and so much waiting. I was diagnosed just as I was about to buy a ticket to fly to my hometown to deal with pressing family issues and so decided not to go but when I got most of my appointments and tests behind me and was told that they couldn’t schedule surgery for another week, I just went for it! I knew that I’d be in no shape to take the trip after surgery so I just stopped agonizing over it all and bought the ticket—-and paid up the nose for it (try to avoid that!). Anyway, it was good to be transported away and think about other things! Ha! But I do have a word of caution! After spending the day with my daughter and grandchildren there, one of them was diagnosed with Covid! I was petrified that I’d get it or that my exposure to it would cause my surgery to be postponed. I was sure glad that I was fully vaccinated. My surgery is behind me now and I’m waiting for the pathology reports and for my appointment with my medical oncologist (ugh, in three long weeks!) to learn what my treatment going forward will be. I’m really glad I made that trip. I want to say that I hope you’ll indulge yourself and go ahead and see your family, but I know it’s a tough decision. Wishing you the best.