Many of these problems hit home for me. I had always been a healthy person. Suddenly, like a ton of bricks, bad things started happening. My husband died. We had been married for 59 years. His loss has been unbearable. Shortly thereafter I had to have a full hip replacement. Because there was no one to take care of me I had to go to one of those so-called skilled nursing facilities. Now I know what it is like to go hell. I had a serious falling out with my younger son. My older son lives and works in Asia and was not able to come to my assistance because of Covid. I had to have a biopsy on my scalp and the diagnosis is that it is irritated because of alopecia scarring. Will have to see what treatments the dermatologist has in mind. My orthopedic surgeon told me I was losing bone mass. So I have a bone scan coming up. After reading about the medications they give you for this situation I am inclined to take my chances. I do have a good therapist and she has diagnosed me with PTSD because of childhood trauma. All this has come crashing down on me and I already 88 years old. I was urged to go to one of those homes. I visited two of them and determined that they are not for me. I still have my mind and am living independently. I have a good cleaning person who comes every three weeks. I am able and capable of doing everything else for myself. I am able to drive - even on the freeway. At my age it is hard to plan ahead because you don't how much longer you will live. But I am determined to hang on to my independence as long as possible.

Andy-the-man,
I'm so glad that you had a good day!

Maybe it's too soon for me to say this, but, here goes:

When a red rubber ball hits the bottom, it starts to bounce back up.

I hope that sentence doesn't sound like "toxic positivity." I don't mean to minimize your pain or your situation in any way. My therapist suggested that I try to think of positive images, and that one popped into my head. Or maybe I should say that it "bounced" into my brain.

Here's hoping that we both have some more good days! Andy, you are the man!

Hi Andy.
Hugs for you and the burden you carry.

I don't know the answer/s. I am encouraged to know you have a best friend and I hope you are/continue to be encouraged by that relationship.

I don't have a best friend, but know that I am fortunate in very many ways, but that doesn't make me feel better, or feel "seen". I'm stuck, and may never really find a way to live that doesn't provide yet another source of pain from somewhere new.

To act otherwise (with others saying: "be positive!", "the glass is half full!") is too disingenuous to me. Though no one knows (or can know) our own particular pain, I live for the neverending hope that there are people, places, things I might discover, though the likelihood should seem even more remote as I age and continue to not find these safe spaces, people or outlets.

That is why I am here on Mayo Clinic Connect, and keep coming back: I see similar needs in the others who visit and post, and I am strengthened by the nonjudgmental, purely supportive posts of the Mayo Clinic Connect volunteer mentors.

I wish the same for you on your journey. Peace.