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So what I've learned is that tissue health degrades with menopause, however vaginisum required pelvic floor therapy for muscle tension and muscle spasms. My understanding is while muscles are tense, there is lack of blood flow to the tissue in and around the vulva area so that tissue is constricted and can't plump up. I invested in a book on vaginisum and a pelvic floor wand, specific for trigger pain through massage of the muscles in pelvic floor to teach them to respond differently to penetration and allow more blood flow to tissue, plumping it up. And I use a numbing agent right at opening. All takes about 3 months to get those results. Make sure when you take breathes, slow tummy inflating inhales, supposed to help lengthen the cavity as well.
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So turns out all the above is true but in addition, when I had hysterectomy vaginally, they cut out too much of vaginal canal, from entrance to internal end, mine only measures 7 cm. And there is no way to fix, stretch or lengthen. Told nothing can be done, it's always going to be too short for intercourse, will always be painful and sexual intercourse for me, basically over.
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Thanks so much for this information. You've been more informative than any M.D. I've ever talked to about this! What you say makes sense and I am definitely going to pursue the vaginismus angle.
I had my annual physical today, mentioned my problem to my G.P. to ask for a referral, she had no idea what specialty she could refer me to. Maybe urogynecologist. But it seems there is a lot I can do for myself.