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Ashamed: I think about (and plan for) dying. Do you?

Lung Cancer | Last Active: Aug 5 8:32am | Replies (213)

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@mir123

I'm obviously in a minority, but I'm fine thinking about death. When I first got a poor prognosis--neuroendocrine tumor 8 months ago--I immediately pre-paid and pre-planned my funeral. I come from an immigrant family, and was raised to not burden the family financially by ignoring these things. I bought a plot almost 30 years ago, when I was in my early forties. I've always liked graveyards--the peacefulness, the urban oasis, the history and sometimes famous people buried there. I'm a great fan of Harriet Tubman, and once visited her grave and brought flowers.
That said, I'm interested in "life to its fullest." We can try to remember that sadness, exhaustion, even dullness are part of life. To me, being a person--being myself--is the fullest. I almost died when I was 21, when I first learned this. Now, as I currently feel pretty good, I see my friends, dote on my husband, walk, read, write, do a bit of freelance in my field, dance, pray, hang out with daughter & grand baby, take road trips, go to concerts, am out in nature...it's beautiful, and I love it. I've basically retired from "shoulds." I'm quite aware of mortality, but the last six months--once I got over the initial shock and made treatment decisions--have been among the happiest in my life. Yes, I'm also worried and concerned. But this is very special. Best regards to all on this chat.

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Replies to "I'm obviously in a minority, but I'm fine thinking about death. When I first got a..."

I love your post and agree about life being so much better when you retire from shoulds . Enjoy your time and blessings. Haven’t read you NETs story anywhere but hope you are seeing NETs specialists. Prayers for you.

LACNETS.org has a lot of info and contacts, videos from NETs experts regarding treatments for neuroendocrine cancer. Treated very differently than other cancers. It has a better survival rate than most cancers if treated properly. I hope that site has some useful information for you. It's rare so most doctors are not familiar with neuroendocrine cancers. A NETs specialty team like Mayo or other top cancer centers might be worth while for a second opinion. Prayers for you.