Cat, It sounds like you’ve been through the wringer. When I first came on this site a few days ago I knew from the beginning this was a great site. They’re structured extremely well and no drama which is unusual like other sites. The hardest thing following a diagnosis is setting our egos and pride to the side and learning to accept our situations. It took me a year. During the first year I became a beer can collector and became so depressed that I actually thought of doing the worst. If it wasn’t for my wife I would have. Having the support of your family and true friends you’ll get through this. Hang in there my friend, better days are ahead of you!……David