Dear Lois, Your family's situation is a tough one. I am so sorry your daughter's husband is having to go through with this type of cancer--my husband's first cousin was also diagnosed with this. In my case, my brother, a year older than I, was diagnosed with Stage 4 prostate cancer. Our last family meal together, Thanksgiving, came right before my first bladder cancer surgery, and his death two months later came right before my first breast surgery. I didn't feel I could drop my news onto the family plate, as his wife and four adult children were so distraught. But I did tell my husband's side of the family and a few months later, my brother's family, and my first cousins. Everyone understood, and everyone wanted to help. So, don't keep this a secret much longer. Your daughter is probably stronger than you think, and if something were to happen to you and she hadn't known about your cancer, she would be really devastated. Being open will enable you to help others, in an odd way, and that will make you feel good about yourself. Life is strange that way.
Treatment: I have two kinds of cancer--bladder and breast. I was first treated by a urologist in San Francisco and then when things got tricky, a bladder cancer surgeon (female!) at the Univ of California-San Francisco. For my breast cancer, I was operated on by a breast cancer surgeon, also a female, in San Francisco at the California Pacific Medical Center. My oncologist-hematologist, also a female!, is with the California Pacific Med Center/Sutter. (Sutter is one of the largest private health care providers in Northern California). Keep in touch if you wish, Nancy