Dear Lois, Your family's situation is a tough one. I am so sorry your daughter's husband is having to go through with this type of cancer--my husband's first cousin was also diagnosed with this. In my case, my brother, a year older than I, was diagnosed with Stage 4 prostate cancer. Our last family meal together, Thanksgiving, came right before my first bladder cancer surgery, and his death two months later came right before my first breast surgery. I didn't feel I could drop my news onto the family plate, as his wife and four adult children were so distraught. But I did tell my husband's side of the family and a few months later, my brother's family, and my first cousins. Everyone understood, and everyone wanted to help. So, don't keep this a secret much longer. Your daughter is probably stronger than you think, and if something were to happen to you and she hadn't known about your cancer, she would be really devastated. Being open will enable you to help others, in an odd way, and that will make you feel good about yourself. Life is strange that way.
Treatment: I have two kinds of cancer--bladder and breast. I was first treated by a urologist in San Francisco and then when things got tricky, a bladder cancer surgeon (female!) at the Univ of California-San Francisco. For my breast cancer, I was operated on by a breast cancer surgeon, also a female, in San Francisco at the California Pacific Medical Center. My oncologist-hematologist, also a female!, is with the California Pacific Med Center/Sutter. (Sutter is one of the largest private health care providers in Northern California). Keep in touch if you wish, Nancy

Hello there - fairly new here with Invasive Lobular. I am sorry to hear you story and can feel how much this is to digest and endure. I wish your family all of the best health and care coming your way!

I found my lump the night my mom passed away - after a long day of all that entails the passing of a parent and caring for her for this past decade and the last year in particular ups and downs. The evening she passed I was taking a shower and just letting all the grief/sadness/relief/exhaustion and so much else just exhale from me when I felt the lump. I could not believe it. I can 100% understand how you are feeling - we had some illnesses and passings in our friend group (I am 55) and I felt that
1) I didn't want to burden anyone with more baggage of a "friend with cancer"
2) I didn't want to have this be the topic of all my interactions for the foreseeable future, and
3) I could barely say the words as it opens the floodgates and also felt like an out of body experience - as in this cannot be me who is saying "I have cancer". It still feels that way to some degree.

They were all so supportive when my mom passed (flowers, cards and even meals to us!) and for that month (this past December ) but I kept my tests/biopsies just between my husband and that felt right for me/us. I needed time to understand more and that worked for me. It wasn't easy though. I have found that letting people know over time has helped, it gets easier to talk about, and most definitely my friends care, want to help and be there for me. I do waffle with emotions though and have some really good conversations with my husband and a few friends on the co-existance of "staying positive" but also feeling all the feels and not denying myself the emotions that come with this. If I skip over those I am not doing myself any good as I move forward.

I, too, wrangled with the idea of mastectomy vs. lumpectomy but all MDs and research indicated lumpectomy had same outcome. In addition, given same outcomes with the research they have, mastectomy is a long haul surgery and most wouldn't recommend unless needed or genetics warranted (my understanding) . I will say that I was told chance for re-excision after lumpectomy was perhaps 10%, but I did have to go back in 2 weeks later as my margins were not clear. I know have read re-excision rates can be upward of 60%. If doing it again I would ask surgeon to take a wider approach to lumpectomy to better chances for only 1 surgery. I am now 4 weeks post 1st lump/sentinel node removal and 2 weeks post re-excision, feeling like myself, hiking, walking and slowly getting back to some routine.

Take care - this site is a gem.
laurie
(Bay Area, CA)