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Wow! You've shared what I JUST experienced last week with my (usually) charming, concerned and candor-inclined PCP...
- I brought my list of Qs (JUST like is mentioned in every pharmaceutical commercial - but I've always done this);
- Tried to answer his Qs for more info as expediently as possible (BUT I don't know how much he already recalls from my background as I know my history is not at the top of his mind);
- Get cut off at nearly each and every turn with snappier and snappier Qs to get to the point;
- I pleasantly insist for the umpteenth time that he/his office provide a referral to a doctor for more indepth psychological testing, to get some answers for lifelong struggles, OR, if not that, at least as a baseline;
- I share that I may begin to get upset, as I'm feeling push-back at every turn, and then the tears start flowing (this has never happened to me in a Dr's visit);
- And then he launches into how he can recommend seeing another doctor if I'm not happy...blah blah blah, and I said "we're OK, aren't we", and he said of himself "I am (but it's up to you)..."; and now I'm really feeling "pushed away"; and then, to further the feeling of futility and lack of connection...
- Get rushed out (after having previous nearly hour-long, chatty visits) due to a pre-op patient needing his presence (of course I understand this!).
To his credit, he offers that I can request a call-back from him and he'll do so after hours (in the evening or on the weekend) if I want to further discuss another one of my concerns: my mother's recent, first time 15-minutes of aphasia the day before...maybe meant to make up for some of this disconnected visit experience.
It's been a week ago, I travel 70 miles each way for appointments with this doctor, and I guess we both were in stressed states of mind.
I only wish he could have said he was under the gun, for his part, too - as he has in so many words, with a sense of humor, in past visits. At least acknowledging what he brought to his part of the visit would relieve some of my sense of ongoing failure in getting answers to, if not resolving, what I visit him for.
Best wishes going forward. The advice to 'make a list of Qs', 'ask your doctor for a referral', 'talk with your doctor about [blah, blah, blah]' is so just so many words, but not sound advice for getting to the bottom of things so you can move on/forward.
Welcome others to share similar experiences - at least then I/we might feel less futility (Sisyphean angst!) in these struggles.
Replies to "Wow! You've shared what I JUST experienced last week with my (usually) charming, concerned and candor-inclined..."
I had the most efficient, professional, and engaged PCP that I just hated to lose since we moved to another state last month. Yes, she was very rushed and multi-tasked items in my exam with me, as part of her conscientiousness was keeping all of her patients on their scheduled times all day. What worked for us is that I came with a sheet that listed my questions or concerns in an organized fashion, as much to the point as possible, and if lucky, there were only a few things. I tried to have a section of positive things since last visit, as they need to know we appreciate and recognize the good things too. I would give a copy of my list to the nurse, and when my doctor came in, she had a little heads up on what to cover. Most of the times, items on my list were already in hers. This heads up gave her an opportunity to address everything without a lot of redundancy so we could review as smartly as possible during our allotted time. It means I had to learn to be brief and talk fast, but I learned quickly that this doctor did indeed listen and absorb what I said. I didn’t need to repeat myself with her, and we certainly didn’t have time for that. She has shared our successful doctor/patient business model with others as a way of dealing with how the medical “business” is so constrained now. I never left her office dissatisfied, and usually had all lab orders or referral plan before I checked out at the desk.
It doesn’t work with all doctors. I handed my Neurologist a small list of what I wanted to discuss on our 6 month visit, and he handed it right back to me. I always left his office with unfinished business and just another appointment for my next 6 month “check-in”. I now have a new group of doctors I have to get established with in my new home state, but I know one thing I cannot change: I’ll have only so much time allotted for my visit, and there will be another patient behind me expecting to be seen on time like we hoped to be seen at our scheduled time. I hate it when they’re late for me and I feel I have to donate minutes of my scheduled time so they can catch up. But I honestly do feel good giving them minutes back in a visit when things are going well so a needier patient can benefit. But I know when I meet my new care providers, I’m going to have my list ready to hopefully help both of us feel satisfied my visit was successful and on schedule.
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@frances007 - my long reply above was to this post - forgot to enter that into my message.