Ashamed: I think about (and plan for) dying. Do you?

When you are sick and have health issues chronically I don’t think its abnormal to think about death. Actually, to plan (not abnormal) by getting a will done, it is not uncommon to preplan a funeral. We did that for my dad because his funeral and wake were in a different state. After those things are taken care of, and before then, live your best life now. We recently had our wills done. I don’t have that worry anymore. Its a huge weight off shoulders.

Ps: My dad had a chronic terminal illness.

When you get older, I believe it is natural to think about death. But there is no shame in it. Many people are afraid to confront the idea that they will die at some point. So if they don't think about or make plans for it, it will not happen. That is foolishness and superstition. When my husband and I did out trust, we made all those plans at that time. We also paid for it. When he passed away I did not have the agony of wondering what to do and neither did our children. All was in place and all I had to do is call a telephone number. I still grieve for him very much but I know he went to where he wanted to be.

Thank you for the "young". As you know I am 88. This is getting in my way as I feel I cannot make plans for the future. I will need to find a way to get over or around this roadblock. The heater is still not working properly. Waiting for the repairman.

I am so sorry for your loss…My mil and my mom and you are near in age and experience. She lost her husband years ago, took care of her son who had a stroke when younger who recently passed. My dad passed recently and my mom is by herself. We are very attuned to my mil struggle at the time. We are trying to keep in touch 3x a day because she is by herself. My mom is coping by keeping herself busy. She goes to church, had hobbies that keep her preoccupied. It is another stage. We all are grieving and trying to move forward or at least not stand too still. Covid makes it more of a challenge. its good to have support groups. Perhaps a bereavement group. With all this, what Im trying to say is it will get better. It may take time. Its normal to grieve in your own way, in your own time. Share it. I miss my dad. God was gentle in how he took him. My dad called my name twice and when I saw him he opened his eyes, called my name and smile. It was a sweet gentle smile. He said I love you and goodbye all at the same time. He then went unconscious. I was able to say I love you so much and I left nothing unsaid. Its good to be in touch with your feelings. To feel them. Finding ways to deal with the loss in your own way. I think everyone’s experience is universal but also very personal. I believe I will see him again one day. So, in that I have peace. I hope you have peace. I will be thinking of you and keep you in my prayers tonight @thisismarilynb

Just a thought…
I created a corner that is a memorial - for my dad. I have his picture, lantern, cross, angel with faux candles that are on a timer. Every time I pass it I think of my dad. It helps me to keep him in my mind every day in a positive way.

I have a wonderful picture of my husband on a pier table in my dining area. There is a vase next to it. When I go to the store I buy flowers for the vase. However I still have very mixed emotions when I see the picture and know that is all I have of him now.

That is lovely. My sister gave me one of his handkerchiefs, I have one of his badges. Maybe if you put some. Items personal to your husband, it may help. It helped to put some of his things there, even a medication bottle (old). Something tangible. I saved the funeral program. To know my dad is not suffering anymore brings me comfort. One day when I’m stronger I might not feel the need to remember in these ways, but for now.

You know, for Christmas I gave my family each a digital frame with a usb stick of all the pictures we shared at the wake. They were the best of the best. So whenever they walk in the room, it senses it and starts to play. Maybe something like that. Hold onto the beautiful memories…

I’m totally new here and with my 4th cancer being lung and I’m not going to take any treatments as I think I would prefer to enjoy what I can for as long as I can while I’m reasonably healthy. I would imagine that it is a normal thing to think about death constantly for me at this time. I don’t have much but have picked up a do it yourself will (that’s 7 pages).. I find that I don’t get a whole lot of info and am just going to make another appt with my GP to get more explanation on my situation. If I may ask where is your cancer and if it only in one place?

@soupycampbell, I agree that a visit with your GP is a good place to start. Having all of the info related to what you are facing can give you great power. I respect that you have the power to make these decisions and have some control over what the remainder of your life will look like. That’s very brave.
People often talk about the strength of people that fight until the end, and ‘never give up’. I believe that knowing when to be at peace takes so much more strength! I wish you the very best.
I have stage IV lung cancer with metastasis to the liver. It is very much under control right now, but my type of cancer is incurable. I’m 52, and my current treatments are a breeze compared to some. So for now, I’ve chosen to live each day! That’s brought me a great feeling of freedom and peace. For now at least!, take care, Lisa