@mir123 What a great question. As soon as I read your post, I knew I had to respond. My hunch is that there are many of us on this breast cancer blog who have grandchildren. I have 14. When I was diagnosed in Dec. 2019, I had 12, ranging from under one year old to age 11. I am very close to each of them (at that time, all lived within 1/2 mile of my husband and I, and we saw them almost daily). I knew I did not want to hide my cancer diagnosis from them, nor did I want to scare them. Much of what I did was influenced from my experiences as a child.

When I was 8, my grandfather died of cancer. I was left terrified of the word, because all I knew and associated with cancer was death. I did not see my grandfather while he was being treated, and only saw him at Mayo (Rochester) before he died. He was 6'5" and weighed about 120 pounds then. Even at almost 58 years old, I can close my eyes and still see his emaciated frame.

In my diagnosis and treatment, I was determined I would not have this experience for our grandchildren. I did not want them frightened of cancer for the rest of their lives.

The word "cancer" was used when I spoke to them, though I did not share where the cancer was located at (this detail was kept private). In the beginning, we spoke of the strong medicines I would have to take, that I would likely lose my hair, and that I might be tired a lot, with a weakened immune system, able to catch bugs easily. This was during Covid, so not physically seeing them as much was part of my journey. Children are walking petri dishes, and they soon learned that a runny nose or cough or sour tummy were grounds to stay away from their Gma. That was probably one of the most difficult things for me - not seeing the children often, but it was really a necessity while I was going through chemo. While they were not in our home a lot, we would meet outside at a distance (the next best thing!).

I shared my wigs and hats with them before I lost my hair - even asked if anyone wanted to try them on. Surprisingly, many of them did! even the boys, lol. We all talked about how fun it was to have different things to wear. I never frightened them with the seriousness of the disease, but always shared what I had to go through to get better. And most of all, we all prayed. The children have been raised in the faith of Christ, and continued (and still do) pray for me. When I was struggling with a reaction to the chemo, illness, or had upcoming dr. appts, the children knew about it, and continued to pray for me.

The children also saw me through five surgeries. Though I am not one to show them scars (I think visuals at this age can be very frightening), they knew I had these. They saw me move slowly, they took walks with me in recovery (holding my hands), and they helped clean my house at times. The children were actively involved in the process. On my last chemo day, we all met (all 20 of us) outside our home, held hands, prayed, and rejoiced. We took a photo in front of our home with our hands in the air, cheering! I wore Captain American stretch pants and shirt to my appointment that day. 🙂 I purchased the clothing for that long-awaited special time - and it was a glorious day. I can still remember the sun shining down on all of us that morning.

So, yes, I included my grandchildren in the process, but I did my best to share things that supported my goals: faith, not fear, and the realities of life - including, sometimes bad things happen. These are life lessons I wanted them to learn. I wanted them to be a part of my journey, not only for these life lessons, but because I NEEDED them. They played a role in my healing, just as sure as the chemo, surgery, and physicians did. It was okay to lean on that support, even in pint-sized quantities. :). I did not burden them with the harder things, of course, but I did not keep it from them when I was not having a good day.

God carried me in that season of my life. And He carried my grandchildren. Even today, one of my granddaughters carries a breast cancer rock (painted and hidden on the course) she found on a breast cancer awareness walk with me. She packs it in her bag for school every day. When her mother sent me this image, my heart was FULL.

We all need each other in this life. Everyone plays a role. And cancer does not have to be the victor. It can simply be a participant in life - and many of us have to walk with it for a season. I would rather not give cancer the ruling force in my life, and I wanted my grandchildren (and children) to know the Lord determines my days - not cancer.

We can't always change the circumstances in our lives, but we can be in control of how we move through those trying times. I thank God for the way He helped me travel through mine - bumps and all. My grandchildren were a source of strength and encouragement for me. To be so, they needed to be included, and not stand in my periphery. What a joy. 🙂

Stay the course. Stay well. You can do this. Hugs.