Macro-Micro Wonderments: an aging brain in senility

Micro-macro Wonderments: An aging brain in senility

One story I vividly remember from reading Aldous Huxley’s “Doors of Perception" as a young man, was how the effects of shouting at a sports event, or Hitler’s youth at a Nazi rally or extended singing in a choir, alters the ratio of oxygen and carbon dioxide in such a way as to induce a pleasurable high or even hallucinations. He described a phenomenon whereby the brain simultaneously perceives the world in both macro mode, and microscopically. I couldn’t quite grasp that idea but a few years later while living in the Great Zen Monastery at Kamakura Japan, I experienced it visceral.

The daily routine at the monastery consisted of a two hour meditation followed by two hours of study, then two hours of meditation and so on. Meditation sessions were rigorous routines supervised by the master, wielding a paddle used to smack your shoulder should you doze off. The silence was celestial but for regular punctuations of raucous farts from our high bean vegan diet.

At one point in my meditations I slipped into an alternate state of consciousness that I had never experienced before or since. The memorable moment occurred when I felt I was suspended in space looking down macroscopically at the mountains and forests of Japan, with remarkable crystal-like clarity. That alone was breathtaking but I was simultaneously able to see the inside of a single leaf as if through a microscope. Nothing remotely similar since, has come close to that visual experience. I’ve savoured that memory all these decades as vividly as if I was still in that euphoric trance.

Micro-macro Wonderments: An aging brain in senility

One story I vividly remember from reading Aldous Huxley’s “Doors of Perception" as a young man, was how the effects of shouting at a sports event, or Hitler’s youth at a Nazi rally or extended singing in a choir, alters the ratio of oxygen and carbon dioxide in such a way as to induce a pleasurable high or even hallucinations. He described a phenomenon whereby the brain simultaneously perceives the world in both macro mode, and microscopically. I couldn’t quite grasp that idea but a few years later while living in the Great Zen Monastery at Kamakura Japan, I experienced it visceral.

The daily routine at the monastery consisted of a two hour meditation followed by two hours of study, then two hours of meditation and so on. Meditation sessions were rigorous routines supervised by the master, wielding a paddle used to smack your shoulder should you doze off. The silence was celestial but for regular punctuations of raucous farts from our high bean vegan diet.

At one point in my meditations I slipped into an alternate state of consciousness that I had never experienced before or since. The memorable moment occurred when I felt I was suspended in space looking down macroscopically at the mountains and forests of Japan, with remarkable crystal-like clarity. That alone was breathtaking but I was simultaneously able to see the inside of a single leaf as if through a microscope. Nothing remotely similar since, has come close to that visual experience. I’ve savoured that memory all these decades as vividly as if I was still in that euphoric trance.

But something equally powerful has occurred in my senility. I am consumed with joy and wonder at my place in the macro-micro continuum. Much of my waking day is consumed by the wonderment of the universe. Like a two year old, my brain blasts out questions faster than my tongue can work. Endlessly asking myself questions, like, — Why does a worm not have eyes? —Why does it take five years for light to get to earth from a star ? Is the light still on? —Why did we evolve with tonsils when we don’t heed them now? — Why is my DNA missing the one gene that protects my kidneys from getting cysts?—. How does an troponin enzyme affect my heart.

I’ve reverted to my boyhood, my mind turning over so fast with unanswered wonderment, I lose my breath. But I don’t really need answers, just the wondering gives me much joy. I am in awe.

While looking at the Milky Way I can still marvel simultaneously at the infinite number of little factories at work in my body. I munch on a carrot as it is digested in my gut and it is broken down into millions of enzymes, minerals, vitamins, hormones and are shipped magically to organs throughout my body. What is unused is rejected as waste. A bacterium like E. coli has over 1,000 different types of enzymes bubbling away in the cytoplasm of my cells. Thousands of little factories silently doing their job of repairing and keeping my cells healthy, a little bag full of chemical reactions that are made possible by enzymes! Half of what our bodies need comes from the food we eat and the other half our bodies manufacture. Imagine! It’s mind boggling, how millions of little’s factories are manufacturing, using, distributing enzymes, hormones, peptides etc to other organs. It’s a universe in a universe.

My failing heart is using more fatty acids as energy and less glucose, - not good. It has put that ideal energy ratio out of balance. But one illegal drug I obtained from Turkey. It is rebalancing the energy ratio giving me an extra few months or years to sort out all these questions. My cardiac team said it was unlikely I would live beyond Dec 2020. without open heart surgery but because of so many failing organs I would not survive it.

My kidney is one of the many marvels of evolution. My kidneys are made up of over a million filtering nephrons. Each nephron filters my blood, and the tubule returns needed substances to my blood and removes wastes. Imagine ! It also has multiple roles; it secretes various hormones and vitamin D3 that control blood pressure; and is responsible for the production of red blood cells. They produce many other microscopic hormone factories in my kidney and they are shipped out to be used for other organs in the body.

My kidneys are failing because of one missing gene. Imagine how many millions of years it took to develop one gene that evolved to protect the kidney from getting cysts. Mine was lost somewhere along the line.

Just as I look out at millions of stars I look inward at millions of enzymes and hormone factories that evolved out of thin air ( and water) It’s unimaginably miraculous. Why one of my gene fell off the evolutionary assembly line is a mystery.

And speaking of generations, as I drive down the Don Valley Parkway, again jumping from micro to macro, I am consumed with wonder at how that little river, the Don, could carve out the system of ravines that make Toronto such a great city. The Don River once ran along at the level of Bloor Street. Yet it ate up that immense valley. I’ve been watching it since I was a kid and it hasn’t got any wider and deeper in the 70 years I’ve been watching it. Imagine how long it took to erode that elaborate systems of ravines. And yet the Don is a very young river, just as the Great Lakes are very young lakes, in geologic time . 15, 000 years ago Toronto was covered with over 2 kilometres of solid ice, covering most of Canada. As it retreated the Great Lakes and Don River were created.

As I stand overlooking the Niagara Falls, created at this same time, I gasp at the open face of the Niagara gorge at the layer upon layer of sedimentary rocks; sandstone limestone, shale. I couldn’t possibly count the years that created each distinctive layer. Eons to lay down one layer of that rock formed at the bottom of a large sea. Lake Ontario has barely laid down a centimetre of deposits in my life time . And yet our landscape is a baby compared to the Grand Canyon, for example.

‘What ifs‘‘ explode in my mind relentlessly. Such as, what if dinosaurs were not exterminated by the accident of a collision with a comet? What would they be like today? Would they have wifi and internet? Electric cars?

With all these wonderments that consume me daily, I feel joy, I feel wonder, I feel awe .

As I marvel at the evolutionary complexity of the human body, I gasp at the evolutionary complexity of our earth and of our expanding universe. As I look up at a starry night I feel a visceral wonderment and joy.

I ask, "why do I feel so good when I watch the moon rise?" Then the answer comes back, "It’s the oxytocin hormone, stupid, the love hormone. It floods the brain at the birth of a new baby, while weeping at music, making love, hugging a dog, being hugged, on a walk in the woods. How does that happen, I wonder?

"Oxytocin is sexually dimorphic, and altered by experience. In part, this is because many of the actions of oxytocin rely on its capacity to interact with the more ancient peptide molecule, vasopressin, and the vasopressin receptors. In addition, oxytocin receptor(s) are epigenetically tuned by experience, especially in early life. Stimulation of G-protein-coupled receptors triggers subcellular cascades allowing these neuropeptides to have multiple functions."

Ah yes,the neuropeptides! Well . . . Maybe I’ll just settle for the feeling and forget the explanation.

Dopamine is also a pleasure neurotransmitter produced in the brain. It is released with certain favourite foods, sex, travel, or just about anything else that you enjoy.

Serotonin's effects on the brain could be considered its starring role in the body. As it helps regulate mood. Serotonin is often called the body's natural "feel-good" chemical. Serotonin is yet another brain chemical that is integral to our overall sense of well-being.

Spending just 20 minutes connecting with nature can help lower stress hormone cortisol, according to one study. Unsurprisingly research has shown that interacting with nature reduces stress. Just thinking about the expanding universe or what amino acids are keeping my brain working, lowers my cortisol level.

I marvel at the macro-verse and the micro-verse before me.
Whether a horse, a pigeon, or a human, we have evolved a system of courting, mating, breeding and raising a family that erupts in oxytocin from birth to death.

Whether macro or micro, we are one universe, —evolving, expanding, and exploding. The accidents of humans is mind boggling. Just as I viewed the world both from a macro viewpoint and micro viewpoint, simultaneously, long ago in the Zen monastery, my macroverse and microverse have merged into one, universe. The wonderment of it all is stupefying!

How lucky to be in my 87th year and feeling such joy and wonder and happiness. Whether its tears of joy or wonder at a piece of music, a hug, or a sunrise I am awash in love hormones, dopamine and serotonin. I am a sack of oxytocin.

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