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Living with Prostate Cancer: Meet others & introduce yourself
Prostate Cancer | Last Active: Mar 16 1:38pm | Replies (607)Comment receiving replies
After radiation for prostrate cancer has anyone had or seen a drastic change in personality? We are mid 50’s and had been dating for 6 months. In September he told me he had prostrate cancer and emotionally shuts down when he is sick (he warned me about this months ago). He said he needed time and had 30 rounds of radiation. This man texted me daily, we even had a trip booked in October for Vegas. Since September I have initiated every text checking on him. He responds to every text. He recently told me he did not want to date, he was not the same person, his desires and urges were gone and he wants to be single and alone. I saw this man today after 4 months and we talked and he said sex is important and since he is having ED issues I should move on. He said we can be friends after my persistence. Well we had sex, he initiated it. I just don’t understand? Did the radiation change him? I’m the same person
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Kayefo,
I’m sorry for your distress.
I’m not a doctor but I’m going to read between the lines. I highly suspect that in addition to radiation that your friend has taken a course of ADT (androgen deprivation therapy). ADT decreases a mans testosterone to near zero. If you read elsewhere on Mayo Connect you will find that many men on ADT experience: loss of libido (interest in sexual activity), decline or complete loss of erectile function, mental confusion, muscle loss, weight gain, etc.
I had a four month course of ADT after Proton Beam Therapy. I had a decline in erectile function, probably some mental confusion, emotional lows, decline in libido, ~maybe I’ll blame my weight gain on ADT too.
There are things written that men have thoughts about sex 19 times a day. Imagine how strange it would be to have that side of life disappear that has been there since being a teen. I’m 72 and I would say this has waned some, but for your friend in his 50’s this has been very much a part of his daily life.
It may also be worth stating the generalization that men often experience sexual activity with a partner as a way to feel closer and more intimate emotionally. So what ‘replaces’ that when lack of interest and ED are present.
After the end of ADT it appears that many men take a long time to recover. That might be depressing.
I think also that being in your 50’s and being confronted with a life threatening illness would be pretty challenging. Many men here are 60 or 70 or more, and probably are aware that life doesn’t go on for ever.
If your friend is open to more conversation you might also ask him for more details of his treatment and his diagnosis. Meantime, if you are willing, learn all you can about prostate cancer, diagnosis, treatments, life after prostate cancer treatment.. Mayo Connect is one source and the video’s on YouTube by the Prostate Cancer Research Institute is another pcri.org (of many).
I think also that you might see if he is open to exploring the behavior of “pulling away” when ill. Maybe in the past, or even in childhood, he was left to fend for himself. …sort of like adult children of alcoholics who carry their childhood experience of nobody being reliable into adulthood and still operating like nobody else if reliable or capable.
Hope that helps,