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Husband With Slow Cognitive Decline: So sad & confused
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Mar 15 12:56pm | Replies (110)Comment receiving replies
Hi - I appreciate your response. I'm sorry for all you've gone through, it sounds difficult to say the least. I usually call all of it "soul crushing" because that's what it feels like to me. My husband's cognitive decline is moving slowly but there's no doubt it's happening. This afternoon we met with our financial advisor for a usual periodic meeting and when my husband went to use the restroom, our advisor said, "Wow, he'd doing great - I'd never know he has a problem!" Right now he's in the other room having a conversation with my daughter about her car. It's a perfectly coherent conversation but he's forgotten that he already discussed this with her. This is what I mean by our normal/not normal life. I think you are right, I should schedule the neuropsych test. I guess I'm afraid of what they might see. I also think if it's a difficult diagnosis, it will change him drastically. And here's a HUGE fear of mine; What if they say he shouldn't be driving anymore? They can do that, can't they? Right now he drives fine and if that is taken away, I'll never forgive myself. The minute I start to question his driving I would immediately insist he no longer do it but I don't want that taken away from him, from us, until it makes sense to do so. Safety-wise, he probably drives better than I do. Thank you again, Jean
Replies to "Hi - I appreciate your response. I'm sorry for all you've gone through, it sounds difficult..."
We were told no driving in 2019, but we went and paid $500.00 for a driving test by a qualified examiner that Mayo Clinic recommended twice. He passed with flying colors. Like you, my hubby was an excellent driver, and I NEVER sat in the driver's seat unless he had surgery or something different. Last September though, I noticed his driving was concerning (at times I saw my life pass before my eyes) and the testing at Mayo Clinic showed that his spatial reasoning had declined and that ended the driving. He has accepted their decision and now naturally gets in the passenger seat AFTER he opens my door and helps me in. Gosh, I love him so much and just the little things make such a difference when you are trying to hold onto so many parts of a loved one's personality. Good luck and don't be afraid of the testing - it will help to clarify things and to create a plan for the future.
You can do this! (Even when all of us wish this was not the diagnosis.)
Jan
A couple folks on here have mentioned being apprehensive about going for further testing, due to effects it can have on the patient (and themselves). This is pretty much where I am at. My husband was diagnosed with MCI last Spring and I have seen some memory changes recently (his older sister has full Alzheimer’s) The kids want their dad to have further testing…I’m not so sure, when we don’t have easy access to a place like Mayo and I’m very afraid of what it would do to his mood, self-esteem, outlook etc. I wrestle with this every day (Should I push for more appointments?). Meds for this have very mixed reviews. I appreciate having this group! Best wishes to all of you.
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About the driving-
You’ll know when the time comes, my husband began to be more distractible and drift over into other lanes. He became very annoyed with other drivers, which would also distract him. He began to limit himself to 3 nearby destinations (his PCP office, a hardware, and a grocery). A friend he was driving called me from the car to tell me he wasn’t driving safely, two neighbors called to say they had seen him driving unsafely and wanted me to know.
That kind of did it for me- I didn’t want him to kill or injure himself or somebody else.