I recently met with a rheumatologist who did not think that my bile duct dilation was caused by any autoimmune disease. Today I received a message that some tests showed negative findings of any autoimmune liver disease process. As you can imagine, this path I have been on has had so many twists that I feel like I need a new compass. I have lost 1/4 of my weight, have chronic diarrhea and nausea, as well as upper abdomen pain. I understand that the hepatologist I will see this March may be able to shed more light on my condition. I am an information junkie and the most frustrating part of all of this is that none of my current doctors are able to tell me what is going on or what has caused the bile duct dilations and cysts in my liver and pancreas. I am not feeling especially dismal, just frustrated with the lack of information or even theories. I want my doctor to throw me a clue, something to hang onto or look into so I have a better understanding of what has happened and is continuing to happen to my body.
I still greet each day with gratitude, continue to help others in my community, but the fear of the unknown has gotten a hold of me like tentacles and I cannot escape. I understand patience is a virtue, and I am my own worst enemy when it comes to being patient. I have been waiting patiently for nearly three years now, and know no more about my condition than when I was first told about it. Am I overreacting in some fashion? It is my nature to want answers, as we all want answers about our bodies. Not getting answers can be frustrating as well. We all know this feeling.
Maybe I will get my paints out tonight and paint a piece with a liver, something abstract. I have been baking all day, and this too has been therapeutic. I feel like I am channeling Martha Stewart with all this bread I have been baking. It really is quite good and easy. Bob's Redmill Artisian flour. No Knead Rustic Round. I have probably made 15 loaves in the past 2 months. For those who love bread but have never made it, it is an easy recipe and the bread is delicious.