I was OK during Treatment, I felt safe, it was rough, was it ever, I worry more now about recurrence than I did with my initial diagnosis.
It may never happen, God willing but Scary..

@rainyp I was told by many sources (my radiation oncologist, my nurse practitioner, Cancer education group at Mayo Clinic) that this anxiety is very common and normal after treatment. You have been through something that none of us imagined and we weren't prepared for any of it. I became depressed about halfway through my radiation treatments and I did talk with the radiation oncologist about it. That's how I got involved in the Cancer Education group.

Before my first two appointments after I finished radiation I was very, very anxious to the point that I had to intentionally practice my cognitive-behavioral skills to reframe my thinking and practice mindfulness medication all day before my appointment. It's been one year and I was less anxious at my most recent appointment (in mid-December).

Do you have a mental health therapist you work with? If not, can your oncologist refer you to a mental health therapist who is skilled in working with cancer patients? I believe our needs do differ just enough that it helps to have someone who is skilled in this area.

It's a good insight that you pretended to be fine when you weren't. Some people aren't even aware that they are doing that and our providers tend to believe what we tell them instead of looking at our faces and body language and listening to our voice that are telltale signs that we very frightened.

What can you do for yourself that is soothing? Take bath? Listen to music you like? Watch a favorite movie? Practice yoga?

I felt like there was more stress and worry as the treatment ended than during treatment, when you feel like you are doing everything as a team to fight your disease. My oncologists and nurses at Mayo agreed with that and suggested therapy with an experienced counselor. I felt helplessness at the end of treatment, just waiting for scans and the return of cancer. Starting an immune therapy from out of the country at this time is what helped me feel I was still fighting the cancer. Also, educating myself on diet and other complementary therapies gave me knowledge and strength to feel empowered. Anxiety with scans is a given, but it gets better with time. Going in with a knowledge that there could be bad news is better than expecting an all clear. I am almost 11 years since my first surgery, radiation and chemo. I have had a few metastases over the years addressed with surgery and now an immunotherapy. A friend shared his analogy with us of just keep kicking the can down the road.....new treatments and research is always changing the cancer field so it can be an endless road. A few good books to help combat your anxiety and give you a positive direction: How Not To Be My Patient by Edward Creagan MD, Radical Remissions by Kelly Turner and her newer book Radical Hope, The Rebel's Apothecary by Jenny Sansouci. Complementary therapies may not have the accepted medical testing your doctors demand, but there is a lot of anecdotal evidence of benefit from good nutrition and supplements like Beta Glucan. Good luck to you.