You will have to reflect inward, and have solace that you can move forward with and still make peace with yourself. For myself, HNSC base of tongue (PCR16 positive) 8.5 weeks of chemo and radiation. Mine was inoperable, but they left me with a lot of collateral damage. After all the treatments, they told me when/if it came back, I would be facing complete removal of my jaw and a portion of my throat. I have prayed long and hard and made peace with myself and my maker. I did the chemo and radiation for my wife of 36 years. This time I will leave it in God's hands, as he will never give us more than we can handle. God is always with us.