Dear alanism@alanism,
I totally can relate to the terrible feeling of not thriving at all, and feeling that moving to a new place was a huge mistake. I have been feeling like that since I moved in August last year. I wanted to move because I do not drive, and this new house was very close to some stores - which made me hope my life would make a turn toward something better. I have a lot of different health issues. The one I find very hard to (survive) live with is Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and the horrible depression that follows as a consequence of feeling terribly weak for 6-7-8 months in every given year. I have never used Xanax. I use a minimum of Clonazepam (I cut in 4 a 0,5 mg tablet) when depression and anxiety become unbearable. I know it's a yucky feeling when we take something that we would hope we did not need to take. On the other hand, see it this way: Meds were invented because sometimes they are necessary. They don't always work. Sometimes they even make things worse. But if you have found something that is a good crouch and is helping you in this moment of need and difficulty ... well, I would say keep using it. When you get better you won't be needing it anymore (I am not a doctor, but since you use a very low dosage of Xanax I am sure it is not going to be a big problem getting off it later on :>)) Good luck. Don't give up. You are not alone. All my best to you. Happy 😊 New Year!!