I agree, it’s incredibly difficult to say no to a loved one who wants to be with us. I was in your position for a while when I was recovering from a transplant. Friends wanted to visit, extended family from another state wanted to come and help out. It was not something that could happen. I missed weddings, funerals and family gatherings. I was seriously immuno compromised and couldn’t even hug anyone for months. Most everyone understood but there were a few who felt my husband and I were being unreasonable and sadly, some friendships were lost. It was the price I (we) had to pay to keep me safe and healthy after what we went through for over a year.

I know you love your father and no doubt, miss him. But his pending visit, and possible end game of living with you permanently is obviously causing you some serious stress. Your own health is fragile right now to the point where you said any drama sends you to the ER. So having someone else in your home, whom you’re going to be responsible for tending really isn’t going to work. Just thinking about the possibility of this lengthy visit is causing you undue tension.

You can see your dad’s health is failing and he’s probably recognizing that too. That’s maybe why he’s thinking about what his next step will be…such as moving in with you. Well, that’s not practical for you. Have either one of you considered assisted living for your dad? Is there any facility near you where that might be an option?
Do you have any other family members you can bounce this idea around with or can you talk to your dad about the idea? He’d be closer but not living with you. What do you think?