I had several surgeries in 2020 to repair badly broken arm bones. After the last surgery, which required a bone implant, I was left with chronic nerve pain. This pain NEVER STOPS. It can range from low (good days) to very, very bad.

I have tried everything. Gabapentin, fibromyalgia meds, opioids, massage, acupuncture, capsaicin, Voltaren, lidocaine patches, therapy, hypnosis. What works best is cannabis, but the side effects are not practical (dizziness, confusion.) Lidocaine gel gives temporary relief — 30 minutes. in 2021 my surgeon sent me to a Pain Clinic at a regional university hospital. They told me nerve pain is "all in the brain" as the nerves are firing with no real reason. They also recommended lidocaine patches and positive thinking. Yeah, right. Before all this I was THE most positive person. And now I TRY to smile ... because self-pity is not my thing.

I have considered suicide and will probably follow through in the next 5 to 10 years, as my doctor and surgeon have explained that my pain is incurable. And yes, I went to therapy! In the end, my therapist understood completely. Nobody should live in unrelenting and incurable pain, she told me.

Although not depressed — I love life — I am very discouraged. I currently take 2400 to 2700 mg of Gabapentin a day, plus 2 ibuprofen. And cannabis at night so I can sleep. None of this is a cure of course.
And the pain is always here, every minute of every day. What saves me from jumping off a cliff are the "good days." And yes, I have them! About 1/3 of the time the pain is below 3 on the famous smiley-face scale. Those days are baffling. Why does the pain suddenly dip? On a good day my arm still hurts, but it's more like rubber bands snapping and less like flaming razor blades ripping my flesh.

Recently the pain has started to travel up my arm and into my shoulder. Now all the nerves in my arm are involved, not just the wrist and forearm. It's a whole new pain. It's also spiking up to 7 and 8 for days on end.

A friend with diabetic neuropathy says her rheumatologist is taking her OFF Gabapentin, saying it can actually exacerbate nerve pain. It makes me wonder. I've decided to try lowering the dose. Gradually.

I have a wonderful family and good friends. But this is a lonely journey.