My husband slowly declined over 8 years with the diagnosis of MCI, has progressed now to the diagnosis of vascular dementia. My best advice is to analyze possible activities and choose those which will be least stressful and over-stimulating, as stress exacerbates emotional outbursts. Eating out with potential friends will be high stress-noise, navigating the menu, making choices, making conversation, waiting. Inviting another couple for take-out at your place or a picnic place will be much lower stress.
I would also recommend choosing a church. Many members of the new “church family” will be kind, there are men’s and women’s groups and joint activities that will help friendships develop. Plus, in the future, the friendly visitors will start. Visitors from our church have followed my husband through hospital and rehab stays, bring him holiday cards made by the Sunday School kids, and come monthly with Communion. He finds great comfort in the familiarity of the church rituals, but in-person attendance is too stressful.
If your new place is in a “resort”-type setting, there will be lots of activities to choose from- Trivia may be out, but Art or Music will work. Keep thinking about the stress level- open-ended chitchat may be hard, but enjoying talking about a favorite subject at a club meeting won’t. My husband loves to talk about home remodeling, but can no longer dress himself or make sense of a menu.
Your new town will have a Senior Center- many full-time caregivers bring their loved one for a morning or two, the staff will be adept at choosing activities and providing appropriate instruction. You will be welcome to join in too.
Finally, your writing style show you to be a highly intelligent and accomplished person. I imagine your wife was too. One of the hardest parts of this journey for the spouse is that: that life is over. The future holds a steady, sometimes precipitous, decline, which will call on every fiber of your being to be calm and patient and loving. None of it is “fair”, but what can you do but carry on and do your best, under what will be very trying circumstances. Anger at fate or clueless relatives gets you nowhere.