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Just a question: How long does my mom have on hospice?
my mom, shes 87 went to the ER a couple of months ago after having covid because she had pain in her stomach and had trouble breathing turned out to be colon cancer. She had surgery went to rehab for a month was doing well, i saw her for Thanksgiving , she lives with my sister, my sister and I dont speak ( long story) so i dont see my mom often she was back in the hospital last week CT scan shows the cancer is back and from what i can gleen from the sporatic text nessages from my mom its in her stomach and maybe lungs the dr sent her home to hospice. my question is how long does she have? dr says shes too weak for chemo my sister hasnt spoken to me in years and i cant go to her house to see my mom unless my sister is at work im kind of in the dark and i dont want to ask my mom too many awful questions i honestly doubt my sister will tell me if and when my mom passes away so my question is what happens next? can she live months, years? or am i just wishful thinking?
Thank you
Dawn
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@dawnlouise, this all sounds so challenging.
Patients are generally referred to hospice care with the doctor or medical team believes he or she has six months or less to live if the illness runs its natural course. I hate to be the bearer of that news, but want to be honest and frank so you can spend the time with your mom the way you want to.
Here is an article that you might find helpful:
- Tips for Talking with Someone Who is Dying https://www.virtualhospice.ca/en_US/Main+Site+Navigation/Home/Topics/Topics/Communication/Tips+for+Talking+with+Someone+Who+is+Dying.aspx
Some of these tips will be extra challenging given that you do not see your mom in person as you would like. I especially like tip #2 in the article "If possible, be clear that you know the end is nearing." So often people avoid talking about the end. You may not wish to either. But letting her know that you know may bring relief and possibly meaningful conversation.
I'm sending hugs to you. Please let me know if the article gives you some good ideas of how to open up the conversation.
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2 ReactionsThank you, when she had texted that they were scaning her lungs and stomach and then said “ its back” i had a feeling it wasnt going to be good news, then she said a lady was coming in to talk to her, the following text said shes going home to hospice. Its an odd position to be in when I cant just go visit her and I honestly dont think my sister will inform me when she passes as she never told me she was in the hospital a few months ago we have a brother who live 300 miles away he has kind of shut down since he found out theres no more treatment its all very sad
Dawn
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