Connect
← Return to Spouse with cognitive problems and finances
Discussion
Spouse with cognitive problems and finances
Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Dec 30, 2022 | Replies (290)Comment receiving replies
Has been a rough Fall with Bill getting weaker by the day. In Oct within 3 weeks he went from 182 to 162 pounds - is skin and bones. Doesn't want to eat more than a few bites at a time. Ended up in the hospital twice. Said he won't go again.
One assessment said he should be on hospice but the doctor on call that night said he should wait (this was a hospice group). Has gotten worse since then. Major bathroom issues. The bathroom abuts our bedroom and his 'movie room' - in other words, a very short distance. Traversing it has him so exhausted that he almost passes out before he can either get to the bed or his chair.
He was scheduled for the 4 hour dementia testing next Monday but cancelled for the moment as he isn't up to getting there much less waiting and then doing a four hour test. At this point the test could be a moot point.
He has a doctor's appointment on the 12th and I'm hoping it can be done by Zoom or Facetime. Although he does put on a great show for doctors and visitors. Which doesn't help getting him help! He can't understand why they won't give him pain pills when he denies having any pain (last few days stomach pain). He also can't understand why his hospital stays didn't 'fix' him like new.
He keeps asking me what is wrong - sometimes admitting he thinks he is dying. I don't know how to answer him as he does not want me agreeing with him on the dying. I just try to listen and be there. Don't know what else to do.
Replies to "Has been a rough Fall with Bill getting weaker by the day. In Oct within 3..."
This morning he was very agitated. Was sure I no longer loved him. That I was spending all of our money. That I didn't bring him a custard filled donut (I had the other day and he wouldn't eat it and said not to get more lol). He was going to report me for being cruel. I didn't offer him enough breakfast options (French Toast; waffles; pancakes; cereal; eggs fixed any way he would like them; Cheese Danish; muffins, etc.) - he finally decided on fried eggs on toast and hot chocolate.
By now he is back to loving me and eating his breakfast.
Bill fell again this morning - trying to pick something off of the floor, which he has repeatedly promised not to do. I find it a lot easier to pick a piece of paper off the floor then getting Bill off the floor!
Had him wiggle to a better spot where I could assemble the Raizer. Within ten minutes or less I had him on his feet and settled in his chair with a cup of hot cocoa. That gadget does come in handy - unfortunately. Then repaired shelf he had taken down with him.
Fortunately, unlike yesterday morning, he is in a good mood, fall and all. I think he likes the Raizer ride upwards.
Hi Julie - My husband (91)was diagnosed in fall 2019 with MCI. His regression has been mostly in the short term memory area (e.g. 3 hours after Thanksgiving he remembered nothing about it - who was there, that we sat for an hour and a half at a festive table - but he thoroughly enjoyed it while it was going on. His neurologist, at the beginning, recommended the psychological evaluation, for which we got up at the crack of dawn for an 8am appt. at Yale in New Haven, 1/2 hour away. 20 minutes into the evaluation he shut it down, saying it was insulting and he wasn't going to do it. Upon consideration, I wondered if this wasn't more about neurology research than any specific help for him (since they can't "cure" dementia). He has being wearing the Exelon patch daily and that has helped him, but the benefit seems to be waning. He spent 4 days in the hospital in Sept. with iron deficiency and a gazillion tests to see why he had tachycardia and I had to be there as much of the time as possible because he could not remember what the symptoms were that got him here. Sigh, fortunately he is not belligerent and his appetite has returned after the iron deficiency was addressed. It was clear that the 4 days in the hospital had a detrimental effect on him, and I am eternally grateful to the hospitalist who asked if I could manage him at home: dementia patients waking up to unfamiliar sights and sounds really sets them back. I don't have an answer for you, but I wanted to say that my mindset now is - as long as he's safe, I'm okay with whatever he wants to do: this isn't about me. Sit all day staring into space, ruminating about his past life, eating things that in younger days were NOT on the menu - bacon, full-fat ice cream, cookies, etc? OK by me. He's driving the bus and I'm just making sure he doesn't hurt himself.
Connect
I am so sorry to hear about your husband’s decline. I would think that being at home with his family would be the best for him, for his security and peace of mind , and he has made that clear by saying he does not want to be in a hospital.
Other than that, I really don’t have any to give but I will pray for him, for you and for your family.