Overwhelmed

Posted by virtuous69 @virtuous69, Oct 10, 2022

Hi Victorious69 here.
Have a laundry list of issues and need to talk. Recently rejoined Connect.
Basically I don't want to get out of bed to face a new day. I feel like I have no future and have to work hard to pull myself up to get going.
Besides my physical 24/7 issues, my 84 yr old husband is starting early on set dementia. He can't hear me and refuses to wear his hearing aids they itch his ears. He frequently screams at me. I can't take it. He cannot walk more than a few feet with his walker due to PAD pain. We both are prayer people. Will try to get into each discussion group that meets our particular needs. Realize this is a discussion group for exchange of healthful ideas and not a place to gripe.But I really need to vent.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Just Want to Talk Support Group.

@brandysparks

From my experience: Yes. Please begin by mentioning, discussing it with your PCP. Request name/s of therapists. Consider an art class as an outlet (that you deserve) for expression, or an art therapist if neither of these is available.

If your PCP doesn't have name/s of therapists (I love my PCP, but he/his office had no names of therapists when I asked - & they're at a major medical center), go online and see who is in your area. I did this earlier this year, living in a new, smaller town, and have been fortunate to find someone I could meet with in person nearby. Of course, insurance varies, and therapists are dealing with overwhelming numbers of potential patients, but it is absolutely necessary that you express your experience with a neutral, nonjudgmental professional.

Just saw what Matthew Perry (of "Friends" fame, whose just released a book on his life of struggle) said, that I really appreciated (& that he said with a knowing smile): "Life Is An Acquired Taste". I take that as: it is messy, fragile, without guarantees, and begs for a community of like-minded souls you can admit that with - on a regular basis. Not as a constant reminder of the struggle, but as a way to know it is a shared experience, it IS normal, and any pressure to act otherwise is just an acknowledgment that we are all trying, against all the odds, to endure, to love and to find our own version of happiness.

I need to get back to journaling - it seems a tug - as I felt obligated to keep a diary when I was younger, and it became a chore instead of an outlet - but when I began it for a few weeks earlier this year, I did feel less burdened, with a weight lifted, if only temporarily.

Just a few thoughts, any of which I would wish for you could be comforting, and maybe shed some light on ways outlets for your soul to breath more freely.

Wishing you warmth on this journey.

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PS - This forum is a blessing, too.

I open it every morning when it appears in my Inbox, and follow several of the topics and discussions. It really has offered help, validation and hope.

It is a unique and welcome place, moderated by supportive, informative, vetted Mentors with relatable experiences and a ready ear, and the high credibility of being a Mayo Clinic support channel. I've never found another source for such reassuringly, credible insights that doesn't have an agenda...may it continue!!

Many thanks to Mayo Clinic and Mentors and all participants.

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@mbryant

I don't consider myself a typical person who would have the ailments I have at this point in life, nor in their surfacing as if tomorrow might not arrive. I am overwhelmed, among other things, that I could go from enjoying good health (or the feeling thereof) until 48, with minimal issues none which saddled me then with the thought of death. At 51, I have been diagnosed with Diabetes (Type II), Chronic Kidney Disease (Stage 3-3B) with several bouts of acutely Renal Failure recently, hypertension (controlled finally with a cocktail of 5 separate maintenance meds), Hyperlipidemia, neuropathy, clotting in the mid-sized vessels of the legs (but not considered DVT, (sapphaneous system), upper thoracic Aortic Aneurysm plus a new Aneurysm found in the thoracic region but opposite the ascending side and smaller but close to the 4.5cm of the ascending one. A stroke I suffered in June of this year revealed an interatrial Shunt and I have a family history of Aneurysm on my mother's side, y mother dying two years ago from a dissection of her descending Aneurysm which ripped apart clear up into the Carotid. Her oldest sister passed from an an Aneurysm in her brain. During the same time, I was furloughed from work and entered into a bitter divorce which resulted in the kids sticking with their dad, this choice of their own making. I wouldn't wish this stress or worry on anyone. I have one son left in high school, two in college, another older one who is already out and I am worried about Bub. If I can see him graduate, my main worry. I need help dealing with everything because it is not as clear cut as I write about it here. It is ugly, messy, stressful, and difficult to wear the face my youngest ones need to see to not carry my depression on their shoulders. But it weighs heavy on mine and I don't know everything. I make mistakes I catch when it's too late and I don't always have the best answers and my Mom and Dad are both passed on and no one else to run things by for perspective. I am overwhelmed and so very depressed and I feel it worsening day by day. Does anyone know what I can do? Any advice? Do I just suck it up and keep going? I'm afraid to mention this to my PCP, but I think I'm going to at next appointment because I have to have help to stay sane. I'm trying hard not to lose it or break down and I stay overwhelmed regardless of what I try. Please help me

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@mbryant You certainly do have a lot on your plate! And, no, you should not ‘just suck it up and keep going.’ Please talk with your PCP. It is their job to help you, not judge you. Your doctor can also start you on antidepressants. I know, it means 1 more pill, but that pill can do wonders. One doctor also had me using a special light every morning to go along with my antidepressants. Many doctor offices have a clinical social worker who could help you connect with a therapist. You really need to talk with someone.
As for your youngest sons, just be upfront and explain how all these serious medical problems really hit like a truck, but that you’re going to get help.
How soon can you make the appointment with your doctor?

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Your story is heartbreaking. I wish I could help you.

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@mbryant

I don't consider myself a typical person who would have the ailments I have at this point in life, nor in their surfacing as if tomorrow might not arrive. I am overwhelmed, among other things, that I could go from enjoying good health (or the feeling thereof) until 48, with minimal issues none which saddled me then with the thought of death. At 51, I have been diagnosed with Diabetes (Type II), Chronic Kidney Disease (Stage 3-3B) with several bouts of acutely Renal Failure recently, hypertension (controlled finally with a cocktail of 5 separate maintenance meds), Hyperlipidemia, neuropathy, clotting in the mid-sized vessels of the legs (but not considered DVT, (sapphaneous system), upper thoracic Aortic Aneurysm plus a new Aneurysm found in the thoracic region but opposite the ascending side and smaller but close to the 4.5cm of the ascending one. A stroke I suffered in June of this year revealed an interatrial Shunt and I have a family history of Aneurysm on my mother's side, y mother dying two years ago from a dissection of her descending Aneurysm which ripped apart clear up into the Carotid. Her oldest sister passed from an an Aneurysm in her brain. During the same time, I was furloughed from work and entered into a bitter divorce which resulted in the kids sticking with their dad, this choice of their own making. I wouldn't wish this stress or worry on anyone. I have one son left in high school, two in college, another older one who is already out and I am worried about Bub. If I can see him graduate, my main worry. I need help dealing with everything because it is not as clear cut as I write about it here. It is ugly, messy, stressful, and difficult to wear the face my youngest ones need to see to not carry my depression on their shoulders. But it weighs heavy on mine and I don't know everything. I make mistakes I catch when it's too late and I don't always have the best answers and my Mom and Dad are both passed on and no one else to run things by for perspective. I am overwhelmed and so very depressed and I feel it worsening day by day. Does anyone know what I can do? Any advice? Do I just suck it up and keep going? I'm afraid to mention this to my PCP, but I think I'm going to at next appointment because I have to have help to stay sane. I'm trying hard not to lose it or break down and I stay overwhelmed regardless of what I try. Please help me

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@mbryant, I am not able to write the comment I would like to write because I am having a difficult day (I feel terrible because of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome + depression +) and I have a hard time even writing. But I wanted to say please don't give up.

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Please mention your concerns to your PCP. That way, he can help you and start making changes in your life, to get you back on track. I know it is tough. I was recently diagnosed with multiple chronic health issues, so I know it is a struggle. I'm actually at the mayo clinic today and tomorrow.

REPLY
@brandysparks

From my experience: Yes. Please begin by mentioning, discussing it with your PCP. Request name/s of therapists. Consider an art class as an outlet (that you deserve) for expression, or an art therapist if neither of these is available.

If your PCP doesn't have name/s of therapists (I love my PCP, but he/his office had no names of therapists when I asked - & they're at a major medical center), go online and see who is in your area. I did this earlier this year, living in a new, smaller town, and have been fortunate to find someone I could meet with in person nearby. Of course, insurance varies, and therapists are dealing with overwhelming numbers of potential patients, but it is absolutely necessary that you express your experience with a neutral, nonjudgmental professional.

Just saw what Matthew Perry (of "Friends" fame, whose just released a book on his life of struggle) said, that I really appreciated (& that he said with a knowing smile): "Life Is An Acquired Taste". I take that as: it is messy, fragile, without guarantees, and begs for a community of like-minded souls you can admit that with - on a regular basis. Not as a constant reminder of the struggle, but as a way to know it is a shared experience, it IS normal, and any pressure to act otherwise is just an acknowledgment that we are all trying, against all the odds, to endure, to love and to find our own version of happiness.

I need to get back to journaling - it seems a tug - as I felt obligated to keep a diary when I was younger, and it became a chore instead of an outlet - but when I began it for a few weeks earlier this year, I did feel less burdened, with a weight lifted, if only temporarily.

Just a few thoughts, any of which I would wish for you could be comforting, and maybe shed some light on ways outlets for your soul to breath more freely.

Wishing you warmth on this journey.

Jump to this post

Thank you for sharing these thoughts, they do bring comfort knowing someone somewhere else knows a truth we ought never see

REPLY
@becsbuddy

@mbryant You certainly do have a lot on your plate! And, no, you should not ‘just suck it up and keep going.’ Please talk with your PCP. It is their job to help you, not judge you. Your doctor can also start you on antidepressants. I know, it means 1 more pill, but that pill can do wonders. One doctor also had me using a special light every morning to go along with my antidepressants. Many doctor offices have a clinical social worker who could help you connect with a therapist. You really need to talk with someone.
As for your youngest sons, just be upfront and explain how all these serious medical problems really hit like a truck, but that you’re going to get help.
How soon can you make the appointment with your doctor?

Jump to this post

Sorry to all who were more prompt in their response than I in mine, but my youngest boy caught the Flu over the weekend (I guess) and I had him at the doctor yesterday, which is as painful for Dad as for son, especially when he believes he's not that sick. But I went to my PCP yesterday afternoon after getting Noah fixed up and besides having the Flu he has, I had this discussion you guys have suggested and encouraged of me and I am getting set up with a psychiatrist but don't have appointment yet. I have to have additional therapy because my June stroke left me with less control of mouth and certain facial muscles that have been around for months now but have just now started getting worse, especially biting my tongue and cheek. And not being able to completely close the left side of my mouth (hidden largely by my beard) causes me to drool incessantly, a habit I find nasty but also fortunately hidden by my beard. So I have to start speech therapy and another type I can't recall. But I am trying to get it right. I have always been a man of strong and active faith, but even I know that once you make it to the right track in life, you will get run over, or taken over, if you just sit there. Like I tell my kids, it's why faith without works is dead. I am so glad that this site exists. I just realized how much of my own faith I had left out to rot.

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@casey1329

Your story is heartbreaking. I wish I could help you.

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You already have. Thank you for thinking of me; rather than judging me, you'd rather help if it were possible. Thus you already have done much and I appreciate it

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@miloandlisa

Please mention your concerns to your PCP. That way, he can help you and start making changes in your life, to get you back on track. I know it is tough. I was recently diagnosed with multiple chronic health issues, so I know it is a struggle. I'm actually at the mayo clinic today and tomorrow.

Jump to this post

Thank you for your advice, and I wish you well. When you are finished with your business there, I'd like to touch base again if you don't mind to hear a bit more about your experience, if you're ok with it. I'll leave the ball in your court. In the meantime, I hope all is as well as you hope for if not more

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@chistiania

@mbryant, I am not able to write the comment I would like to write because I am having a difficult day (I feel terrible because of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome + depression +) and I have a hard time even writing. But I wanted to say please don't give up.

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Thank you - I admit I have felt like it, been close to it, and didn't think I had any other options at times, but I have never quit anything I've taken on or anyone in whom I saw one ounce of good and I love all my kids more than they are capable of knowing until they have kids of their own. Out of all 6, the second is lost to the world right now but not to Ole Dad, though he has nothing to do with me, in time I pray he'll get out of the grips in which he is currently bound and see the true light. He'll see Dad waiting also. My oldest is 31 as of October 29 and an absolute gem, a great young man, as are the my middle two and youngest sons. My one daughter is a fighter who can still hold her own against all of her brothers and a beautiful young woman inside and out. So while death knocks at everyone's door eventually, I am not ready, and I promise you @christiana, knowing what we know for you to make the effort and wish me well, to not ever give up, your words mean so much more, as if you've raised the window to your souls and allowed everyone a small peak because you haven't the words to describe the goodness within. It means so much, thank you

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