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I don't consider myself a typical person who would have the ailments I have at this point in life, nor in their surfacing as if tomorrow might not arrive. I am overwhelmed, among other things, that I could go from enjoying good health (or the feeling thereof) until 48, with minimal issues none which saddled me then with the thought of death. At 51, I have been diagnosed with Diabetes (Type II), Chronic Kidney Disease (Stage 3-3B) with several bouts of acutely Renal Failure recently, hypertension (controlled finally with a cocktail of 5 separate maintenance meds), Hyperlipidemia, neuropathy, clotting in the mid-sized vessels of the legs (but not considered DVT, (sapphaneous system), upper thoracic Aortic Aneurysm plus a new Aneurysm found in the thoracic region but opposite the ascending side and smaller but close to the 4.5cm of the ascending one. A stroke I suffered in June of this year revealed an interatrial Shunt and I have a family history of Aneurysm on my mother's side, y mother dying two years ago from a dissection of her descending Aneurysm which ripped apart clear up into the Carotid. Her oldest sister passed from an an Aneurysm in her brain. During the same time, I was furloughed from work and entered into a bitter divorce which resulted in the kids sticking with their dad, this choice of their own making. I wouldn't wish this stress or worry on anyone. I have one son left in high school, two in college, another older one who is already out and I am worried about Bub. If I can see him graduate, my main worry. I need help dealing with everything because it is not as clear cut as I write about it here. It is ugly, messy, stressful, and difficult to wear the face my youngest ones need to see to not carry my depression on their shoulders. But it weighs heavy on mine and I don't know everything. I make mistakes I catch when it's too late and I don't always have the best answers and my Mom and Dad are both passed on and no one else to run things by for perspective. I am overwhelmed and so very depressed and I feel it worsening day by day. Does anyone know what I can do? Any advice? Do I just suck it up and keep going? I'm afraid to mention this to my PCP, but I think I'm going to at next appointment because I have to have help to stay sane. I'm trying hard not to lose it or break down and I stay overwhelmed regardless of what I try. Please help me
Replies to "I don't consider myself a typical person who would have the ailments I have at this..."
@mbryant You certainly do have a lot on your plate! And, no, you should not ‘just suck it up and keep going.’ Please talk with your PCP. It is their job to help you, not judge you. Your doctor can also start you on antidepressants. I know, it means 1 more pill, but that pill can do wonders. One doctor also had me using a special light every morning to go along with my antidepressants. Many doctor offices have a clinical social worker who could help you connect with a therapist. You really need to talk with someone.
As for your youngest sons, just be upfront and explain how all these serious medical problems really hit like a truck, but that you’re going to get help.
How soon can you make the appointment with your doctor?
@mbryant, I am not able to write the comment I would like to write because I am having a difficult day (I feel terrible because of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome + depression +) and I have a hard time even writing. But I wanted to say please don't give up.
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From my experience: Yes. Please begin by mentioning, discussing it with your PCP. Request name/s of therapists. Consider an art class as an outlet (that you deserve) for expression, or an art therapist if neither of these is available.
If your PCP doesn't have name/s of therapists (I love my PCP, but he/his office had no names of therapists when I asked - & they're at a major medical center), go online and see who is in your area. I did this earlier this year, living in a new, smaller town, and have been fortunate to find someone I could meet with in person nearby. Of course, insurance varies, and therapists are dealing with overwhelming numbers of potential patients, but it is absolutely necessary that you express your experience with a neutral, nonjudgmental professional.
Just saw what Matthew Perry (of "Friends" fame, whose just released a book on his life of struggle) said, that I really appreciated (& that he said with a knowing smile): "Life Is An Acquired Taste". I take that as: it is messy, fragile, without guarantees, and begs for a community of like-minded souls you can admit that with - on a regular basis. Not as a constant reminder of the struggle, but as a way to know it is a shared experience, it IS normal, and any pressure to act otherwise is just an acknowledgment that we are all trying, against all the odds, to endure, to love and to find our own version of happiness.
I need to get back to journaling - it seems a tug - as I felt obligated to keep a diary when I was younger, and it became a chore instead of an outlet - but when I began it for a few weeks earlier this year, I did feel less burdened, with a weight lifted, if only temporarily.
Just a few thoughts, any of which I would wish for you could be comforting, and maybe shed some light on ways outlets for your soul to breath more freely.
Wishing you warmth on this journey.