@507 I am so glad to hear from you! I was worried about you. Here are some more thoughts.....

You can contact your county's senior resources office and ask about low income housing that might be available to you. I'm taking a guess because I don't know your age or degree of disability. Start looking for your next place to live. That will give you hope and something to think about. Are you able to drive and own a car? If not, is there public transportation where you could relocate? I think that your son who has helped with groceries and garbage detail does care about you, and you should discuss your plans with him to leave this situation. Perhaps he can help get the property fixed up for selling. Make sure you tell him how much you appreciate and need him. That will probably soften him a bit. That will make you feel better too in expressing gratitude to the people you love. Churches also sometimes help fix up properties for senior citizens. Are you living in a rural area and are there other considerations such as animals that would need to be moved? There are Medicaid insurance plans for low income people. You might find help locating that through a social security office or senior resource center. It may limit the covered providers you can see, but it is health coverage.

What might help is to write out a list and a plan in steps of what needs to be done to sell the home and leave this situation, and to move on to a new start somewhere else. You have to be your own best friend and tell yourself how to do this. Make sure to write down phone numbers and websites that you might need as resources in your quest. This starts with a single step and believing in yourself. This is your chance to reinvent yourself and develop new interests. You CAN do it and you will discover new things about yourself.

I went through a similar situation long ago with a failed first marriage and it was very hard to be the person who was rejected when I had done nothing wrong. My life wouldn't be as good as it is now if that hadn't happened. I did reinvent myself. I was young at the time and wanted to go to art school. I asked my parents and they paid for my school. It was a tough classical art education learning to draw and paint, and I told myself with everything that I was doing well, if I could do this artwork reasonably well now, what will it become when I am no longer depressed and sad? I rebuilt my confidence with every brush stroke and drawing that came in small steps of success. Of course in learning, there will be a lot of bad work with mistakes in drawing, but that is when you are learning the most when you are struggling. It won't always be that way. Just find something that brings you joy when you work at it and do it just for fun. Don't take it too seriously and you never have to show it to anyone. You don't have to have a lot of art talent to try this... even just doing a craft or sewing a quilt can make you feel better when you do something creative.

I have a very difficult situation with my siblings that I struggle with, and it has helped me tremendously to be here on Connect helping people, and because I have a relationship with the other mentors who really care about me. We do help each other too behind the scenes as this is a forum about health topics, and difficult experiences with health teaches all of us how to cope and heal as best we can. I have learned from every difficult and fearful situation in my life and become stronger. That is exactly why I can offer my experience here where it is valued.

What steps can you take? What should you do as a first step toward your freedom?