1. < Loss & Grief

Loss of husband: I'm only existing, how do I live again?

Posted by thisismarilynb @thisismarilynb, Apr 20, 2022

We were married 59 years. I don't feel like a person anymore. Shortly after his death, I had to have a full hip replacement and was alone. I feel I will never be the same. I am not living, only existing.

Interested in more discussions like this? Go to the Loss & Grief Support Group.

skwwatkins | @skwwatkins | Nov 9, 2022
In reply to @wreath "Hi. I know exactly what you are feeling. My husband passed away almost two years ago...." + (show)
@wreath

Hi. I know exactly what you are feeling. My husband passed away almost two years ago. I actually think I did better the first year than I have done the last few months. We had 59 years together and for that I am grateful. I try to focus on the things that I am thankful for. Many couples don’t have that many years together. Unlike you, my husband had pulmonary fibrosis, so we knew his days were numbered. That gave us time to prepare, plan, and talk about everything. Which made the after death process and business issues so much easier on me. For that I am thankful. But, now my loss and heart break has hit me full force. I am glad that we moved near family. That has helped, put they don’t fully understand my sadness. And I don’t expect them to. I also attended a grief group which I enjoyed and may do a repeat on that. I get out and have done some traveling. Because my husband and I enjoyed traveling and I know he would want me to continue. I got busy and organized all my hundreds of family pictures. I also started a journal. It helps me to write what I’m feeling, and it’s like I’m talking to him. I think grief is different for everyone. And if you had a close relationship with that person, the grief and sadness will always be there from time to time.
So just hang in there and know that you are not alone. And that what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I pray every day for peace and comfort. May God give you the same.

Jump to this post

Thank you.

REPLY
Moderator
Colleen Young, Connect Director | @colleenyoung | Nov 19, 2022
In reply to @skwwatkins "Colleen, My husband passed July 20. We were to be married 50 years in December. We..." + (show)
@skwwatkins

Colleen,
My husband passed July 20. We were to be married 50 years in December. We were very close. It is really hard snd it seems like it is getting worse. Yes, support from others would be good.
I guess the bigger shock is that he was never ever sick, and no symptoms. They discovered it by a scope looking for bleeding. And it was stage 4. Never really had much of a chance

Jump to this post

How are you doing today, @skwwatkins?

@wreath @thisismarilynb @dg0797, what brought you joy today?

REPLY
2 replies
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Nov 19, 2022

I actually got out of my pyjamas, had a shower and put on real clothes. Not looking forward to being alone on Thanksgiving.

REPLY
1 reply
skwwatkins | @skwwatkins | Nov 19, 2022
In reply to @colleenyoung "How are you doing today, @skwwatkins? @wreath @thisismarilynb @dg0797, what brought you joy today?" + (show)
@colleenyoung

How are you doing today, @skwwatkins?

@wreath @thisismarilynb @dg0797, what brought you joy today?

Jump to this post

Just being alive. Thinking about the Holidays and missing my husband.

REPLY
Mentor
Ginger, Volunteer Mentor | @gingerw | Nov 19, 2022
In reply to @thisismarilynb "I actually got out of my pyjamas, had a shower and put on real clothes. Not..." + (show)
@thisismarilynb

I actually got out of my pyjamas, had a shower and put on real clothes. Not looking forward to being alone on Thanksgiving.

Jump to this post

@thisismarilynb @skwwatkins May I suggest, if you are physically able to, to go to a church or community center where there will be a meal served. Ask to volunteer there, not just eat a meal. You would really be surprised how much that will lift your spirits, seeing how you can help others enjoy the holiday, and be around others. There are people from all walks of life who are alone on the holidays, due to all kinds of circumstances. And almost without thinking, your own spirits are lifted!

Can you consider doing that, and let me know?
Ginger

REPLY
2 replies
carlotta | @carlotta | Nov 20, 2022

My husband of 25 years passed away 6 months ago and I try to have a new normal life. I have family and children but at the end of the day it’s just my late husband and me. I cry at some point every day and figure that’s just my norm for now.
It helps to be with people but also like my alone time.
I haven’t figured out how to have that feel good feeling about life yet but working on it.
I went to a grief group on line and also a class, read numerous books, but I felt while they were good I had to take what I learned and do this more on my own.
My late husband always said “You hove to laugh, that’s what will get you through the hard times”. I’d like to add, for me, I also have to pray every day.
I try to laugh every day and have a positive moment.
Create daily goals, however small.
Figure out a plan for yourself for thanksgiving and Christmas Day. Anything to fill in at least part of the day.

God bless.

REPLY
mikaylar | @mikaylar | Nov 20, 2022
In reply to @gingerw "@thisismarilynb @skwwatkins May I suggest, if you are physically able to, to go to a church..." + (show)
@gingerw

@thisismarilynb @skwwatkins May I suggest, if you are physically able to, to go to a church or community center where there will be a meal served. Ask to volunteer there, not just eat a meal. You would really be surprised how much that will lift your spirits, seeing how you can help others enjoy the holiday, and be around others. There are people from all walks of life who are alone on the holidays, due to all kinds of circumstances. And almost without thinking, your own spirits are lifted!

Can you consider doing that, and let me know?
Ginger

Jump to this post

Good advice, Ginger.

REPLY
thisismarilynb | @thisismarilynb | Nov 20, 2022
In reply to @gingerw "@thisismarilynb @skwwatkins May I suggest, if you are physically able to, to go to a church..." + (show)
@gingerw

@thisismarilynb @skwwatkins May I suggest, if you are physically able to, to go to a church or community center where there will be a meal served. Ask to volunteer there, not just eat a meal. You would really be surprised how much that will lift your spirits, seeing how you can help others enjoy the holiday, and be around others. There are people from all walks of life who are alone on the holidays, due to all kinds of circumstances. And almost without thinking, your own spirits are lifted!

Can you consider doing that, and let me know?
Ginger

Jump to this post

No, I will not consider doing that. I do not go into churches. Also, I am 88 years old. My total hip replacement is not quite one year old, so I use a cane to help me get around. I am in therapy. Part of my problem is that I do not like being with crowds of people. I am only good with two or three at the most. So in my case being with others will not lift my spirits but make me uptight and wanting to run away. I will be much better (for me) alone.

REPLY
Deb | @dg0797 | Nov 21, 2022
In reply to @colleenyoung "How are you doing today, @skwwatkins? @wreath @thisismarilynb @dg0797, what brought you joy today?" + (show)
@colleenyoung

How are you doing today, @skwwatkins?

@wreath @thisismarilynb @dg0797, what brought you joy today?

Jump to this post

What brought me joy? I'm in my second holiday season without my husband. A friend reached out and invited me to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas with her family. And to top that, my stepson welcomed a healthy baby girl into their family on Friday.

REPLY
1 reply
View MoreView Less
Please sign in or register to post a reply.