Hi. I know exactly what you are feeling. My husband passed away almost two years ago. I actually think I did better the first year than I have done the last few months. We had 59 years together and for that I am grateful. I try to focus on the things that I am thankful for. Many couples don’t have that many years together. Unlike you, my husband had pulmonary fibrosis, so we knew his days were numbered. That gave us time to prepare, plan, and talk about everything. Which made the after death process and business issues so much easier on me. For that I am thankful. But, now my loss and heart break has hit me full force. I am glad that we moved near family. That has helped, put they don’t fully understand my sadness. And I don’t expect them to. I also attended a grief group which I enjoyed and may do a repeat on that. I get out and have done some traveling. Because my husband and I enjoyed traveling and I know he would want me to continue. I got busy and organized all my hundreds of family pictures. I also started a journal. It helps me to write what I’m feeling, and it’s like I’m talking to him. I think grief is different for everyone. And if you had a close relationship with that person, the grief and sadness will always be there from time to time.
So just hang in there and know that you are not alone. And that what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I pray every day for peace and comfort. May God give you the same.