@skwwatkins, you are certainly not alone. I have moved your messages to this existing discussion:

- Loss of husband: I'm only existing, how do I live again? https://connect.mayoclinic.org/discussion/loss-of-husband/

I did this so you can read the previous posts and connect with others like @thisismarilynb @IndianaScott @wreath @dg0797 @harriethodgson1 @wendytrg who are learning to make space for grief and life.

You may also wish to browse some of the other discussions in the Loss & Grief support group here: https://connect.mayoclinic.org/group/loss-grief/

Hi. I know exactly what you are feeling. My husband passed away almost two years ago. I actually think I did better the first year than I have done the last few months. We had 59 years together and for that I am grateful. I try to focus on the things that I am thankful for. Many couples don’t have that many years together. Unlike you, my husband had pulmonary fibrosis, so we knew his days were numbered. That gave us time to prepare, plan, and talk about everything. Which made the after death process and business issues so much easier on me. For that I am thankful. But, now my loss and heart break has hit me full force. I am glad that we moved near family. That has helped, put they don’t fully understand my sadness. And I don’t expect them to. I also attended a grief group which I enjoyed and may do a repeat on that. I get out and have done some traveling. Because my husband and I enjoyed traveling and I know he would want me to continue. I got busy and organized all my hundreds of family pictures. I also started a journal. It helps me to write what I’m feeling, and it’s like I’m talking to him. I think grief is different for everyone. And if you had a close relationship with that person, the grief and sadness will always be there from time to time.
So just hang in there and know that you are not alone. And that what you are feeling is perfectly normal. I pray every day for peace and comfort. May God give you the same.

I know exactly how you feel. My husband died August 20, 2021, just shortly after our 59th anniversary. I am still very much in shock and terrible grieving, loss, and a lot of tears. Even though my husband had Parkinson's Disease, it was under control and his neurologist said he was doing very well for his age. The thing that killed him was his absolute refusal to use a walker to get from his bed to the bathroom when he had to get up in the night. I begged and pleaded but he would not. Of course the inevitable happened. He fell and broke his femur. He was dead in 3 months. So in addition to grieving I have a lot of anger to work through. I don't know if I will ever get through this. Also if that was not enough I have had to go through a complete hip replacement alone. Too much. Too much.

Hello skwwatkins.
When my husband passed last year, there was no formal grief support group at work, and I found comfort in joining Mayo Clinic Connect. My husband and I were married 24 years, and he died young at age 60 after a long illness. My hope for you is that you too will find the same comfort and encouragement as I have from this site.

How are you doing today, @skwwatkins?

@wreath @thisismarilynb @dg0797, what brought you joy today?