I spoke to the receptionist at the office and told her after the last dose, I'm done (Thursday morning's the last one). The pain relief is secondary to the side effects. Said, I'm not here for painkillers and can wait to have that conversation November 8th. Said, I'm done and I need to know what the withdrawals will look like and for how long. Room full of people and fairly noisy so had to raise voice some. Tried to avoid eye contact with those on the way out for fear they overheard and/or had judgment which I avoid at all costs. I’m low-key.

Weird, feeling angry, straight to the point conversation. Nothing to lose but stop this madness. November 8th was going to be me explaining through a chronic pain journal (part of an agreement during 14 day trial) with charts for symptoms, pain, 1-5 gauges for activity and sleep; meals, times, etc., and I began using it as a journal for daily symptoms, the way it made me feel, and medication issues, tracking delivery systems for THC and how much by time chart, decreased symptoms, ad-libs, etc.

My point is this is where I've about had it. I'm quite ticked about this opioid crisis, or lack there of prescribing something that can be taken as needed. Dosage with any medication has always been the last resort for me since I took pain relief into my own hands away from past experiences where I followed the doctor's orders. He says he supports THC but is afraid I may get euphoria from a painkiller. The side effects from Buprenorphine are extensive with real dangers and get you high to some degree. They made me feel normal. I was taking 2mg every 12 hours. The Tylenol 3 I was cracking the pill in half to 15mg for relief and it gave me stomach pain, aches, bloating, and in the end CRPS laughed at it trying to be tough.

If it weren’t for the side effects I’d be flying as high as I felt in days 1-5 due to which resulted in not having any pain. Zero pain, was an emotional realization that since January 2, 2001 around 11pm was the last time I felt no pain. My activity levels went through the roof and I exercised hard. I pushed myself for 3 days harder than I’ve ever tried on the bike since buying it, began lifting my wife's light weights (2- 5# dumbbells'), multiple sets, push ups, lunges, squats, stretches, then took two days off. I'm 6' 1" tall and weigh 185 pounds (#). I lost 25 pounds by quitting beer cold turkey after 20 years (some time off during medication trials of more than painkillers, Gaba, Lyrica, Doxepin, etc. a lot of pharmaceuticals).

I did not feel as bad as I thought I would and was convinced Buprenorphine would be the miracle drug I’ve dreamt about (knowing full well as fantasy, but one can dream). I took full advantage knowing possibly this wasn’t going to last, but rested and ate properly to avoid injury. I learned quite a bit and for the first time had no pain associated with the release of substance P. Now I understand, this is the way, just need to find a different route to achieve the goal. Get stronger without all the extra crutches. Increase the mindset and have faith the process will work it’s way out.

I ordered resistance bands and like posters so I wasn’t quite a noob when it arrived from Amazon, began exercising more, staying active doing chores; my wife even commented pleased with the progress. We were hopeful. I don’t know if weather over the that weekend affected me or not, but I was not in pain and it was enjoyable to have rain without pain. To feel happy is a good memory. I am willing to work my body harder to achieve this feeling again more frequently. Without the alcohol, life has been better. I don’t see myself going back. And, if I have a drink it’s still okay as long as I follow my beliefs in which you never mix alcohol with pharmaceuticals.

Without the THC to counter the side effects in coming days, this medication would have placed me in the ER or worse side effects like vomiting. The cramps were intense prior to taking THC to calm things down. The consequence would have been missing more work, something that is also last resort. Most days I deal with it, bad or not, and if I have to go I touch the highest priorities first then push through more until I have no other choice. I cannot use THC at work and only use it privately, responsibly. Some have said they medicate and don’t recreate. I do a little of both both more so medicate. I believe THC in your system is a good thing, but someday want to be without it. Time will tell if CRPS allows it.