Julie, I have a suggestion regarding your son's visit. If he insists he will try to get Dad out of care early, explain to him that he will need to come and be his 24/7 caretaker for 72 hours - alone. And that you and your daughter will be leaving the house so he can get the "full experience."

My brother-in-law's family recently needed to move Mom to residential hospice at the end of life as having 2 people at a time with her 24/7 wasn't enough to keep her safe. Of course the 2 least-involved daughters objected. My sister & b-i-l told them "you and your husbands are retired, just move in and take over her care." Of course they had 900 reasons why they couldn't, so she contentedly stayed in hospice until the end.

Praying all will go well with the visit.
Hugs!
Sue