@daisysocal I have struggled with the very same problem for at least 8 years. It's been so awful and at first I got nowhere. I talked with my gynecologist and my primary care doctor during that time and received very unsatisfactory answers. I felt like no one took me seriously. Finally, I was prescribed Estrace vaginal cream that I used and it did help although I still experienced some pain with intercourse on occasion. My partner and I were already using a lubricant during sex before I started having the problems.

I learned about the Mayo Clinic Women's Menopause Clinic from my nurse practitioner at Mayo Clinic. I have been seen at that clinic and it's been so very helpful. I feel like someone finally gets what I've been going through. I've seen a psychologist who specializes in sex therapy, education nurses who explain different types of vaginal moisturizers and lubricants and a nurse practitioner who did a complete exam with me holding a mirror so I could see what she saw as she educated me.

If there is a clinic like this near you I highly recommend it. Because I had endometrial cancer I can no longer use the estrogen cream (applied topically only to the lower 1/3 of the vagina by the way - instructions I got from Mayo Clinic that were different from what is on the package). I now use non-estrogen vaginal moisturizers a few times a week that work for me. And here is one other tip. My partner uses Ohnuts (I bought as a gift for us) which reduce the depth of penetration. We have both needed to change our expectations about sex . It's been more difficult for me than for him because like you I loved what my body did in the past and just let it do that. I can't do that anymore.
https://ohnut.co/
I hope this helps. It is a constant struggle to find out what will work for you but I think it's possible.