I understand completely. My husband is 18 years older and at 76 needs be more, and my PN wasn’t in the plan. I was instantly disabled from working at age 52. I used Covid isolation and cancer treatment & recovery as grooming & vanity excuses. Then I started noticing myself more in the mirror, and cringed when I saw pictures of me posted by friends on social media. It made me circle back to my concern for my husband and helping care for him. If not for myself (which is most important), can’t I try to make him feel better by looking better myself? I started by swapping t-shirts with better fitting non t-shirts. In the past few months I started back with eye makeup - just shadow and mascara. It’s a challenge not to poke my eyes out since neuropathy rules my hands too, but I had forgotten how it accentuates my beautiful blue eyes! Now, I failed at putting on earrings, but that’s ok, I don’t need them. I just can’t tell you how much better I feel about myself just after changing shirts and livening up my eyes. I hope to hear you can get an ego boost too. Hugs!!!!

@fisbo For many years I did myself a disservice by comparing to others and wishing to be "normal". Worrying so much about what I could no longer do and how it affected my job, husband, and family, that I totally overlooked what I could do and what I did have left. Recalibrating takes time, patience and work. It takes the mourning process of saying goodbye to yesterday and hello to today. Focusing on what is left in life sure does allow for us to make the most of what we have, while we have it. It's the old glass half full concept. Yes, easier said than done, but with effort, reminders and time, you will get there. Small steps one hour, one moment, one day at a time. And most importantly, allow yourself grace along the way.

Here are some tools that continue to help me with anxiety and coping:

1. Journal - write down anxious feelings in order to get them out of your mind and on to paper.

2. List biggest fears and the worse that could happen - this helps you confront your worries and release what you may have no control over.

3. Positive self-talk - remind yourself that you've got this. You are a strong, beautiful human being that's doing the best you can.

4. Deep breathing - practice dropping your shoulders and relaxing your body, then slowly breath in through your nose for 4 seconds while inflating your belly like a balloon. Then slowly breath out through your nose for 4 seconds while your belly deflates. Repeat often throughout the day and not just as needed.

5. Turning negatives into positives - replace negative thoughts with a positive thought.

6. So what, your what ifs - don't get caught up in saying what if.

7. Keep a gratitude journal - write down daily what you are grateful and thankful for. It may help if you recognize the good that you have and see it in print as a reminder.

8. Happy distraction - comedy, music, old photos, puzzles, a hobby.

9. Self care is not selfish - take a shower, get dressed, put on lipstick, wear cologne or perfume, wear your favorite piece of jewelry.

These are just some suggestions to help. Have you tried implementing any of these tools before? Perhaps you and your husband can try some of them together. 😊