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My husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in March and had the Whipple procedure. He was stage one, has had numerous problems with sepsis , weight loss and exhaustion. Chemo began in September and he has finished the first round. I am his sole caregiver at home. He is uncommunicative but cooperative although he does very little except sleeping and Watching television. He occasionally agrees to do something outside the house but usually isn’t able to go when the time comes. I am trying to maintain some social normalcy but he gets upset when I mention going to family holidays, trips in the future or anything else beyond today. I understand living in the moment but if the moment is miserable it seems that considering happiness in the future would be an incentive. To be honest, I feel stuck. Bc his cancer is so unpredictable it’s hard to believe that this is what the rest of our lives will look like. We are seeing a counselor but the sessions are repetitive and not too helpful. If anyone has suggestions or experience with similar feelings I would love your input. If not, thank you for the opportunity to rant!
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I am also a supporter for my sister in law/bests friend….she is so strong; but I know where you’re coming from. It’s hard to be a cheerleader. Very tiring. We all want life back. My heart breaks for you because you’re so exhausted. I can’t help except to send you my prayer tonite…to help relieve your stress. You are NOT alone❤️
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@baeph
You wrote:
Bc his cancer is so unpredictable it’s hard to believe that this is what the rest of our lives will look like.
I was the sole caregiver for my wife from the time of her pancan diagnosis in July 2019 to the time of her passing September 14, 2022. My wife had no family and my family all live in other states. As we left the hospital after her distal pancreatectomy in March of 2020, the country went into COVID lockdown. Due to her immune compromised status and all the unknowns of COVID, my wife would only leave the house for medical appointments. She wouldn't allow friends to visit; she wouldn't even do zoom calls because she was afraid that well-meaning people would say upsetting things. My wife was normally the happiest, outgoing and giving person you'd ever meet. We were both convinced that she would get well and we'd resume the wonderful lives we had for 42 years together. Together, we decided to maintain hope by never believing that failure to be cured was inevitable. Ultimately, everything that I did to make my wife's path comport with her desires made my path harder after her passing. It's very difficult to suddenly change from being ever hopeful to be faced with losing the love of my life. But she knew that she was cherished and loved to the very last. Every patient and every caregiver is different. I tried my best. Maybe there were better ways, maybe there would have been better outcomes but our hopes gave us strength.
@baep you'll never know everything that's going through his head even if he starts communicating. The only advice I can give, is if you learn his desire, do what you can so he can work towards it. You don't have to like it, you don't have to agree with it, you just have to accept it.