Thank you for your reply. Your suggestion of video sharing might interest me. I will have to think about that. As to how I deal with my amusement ride it is not a merry go round. It use to be a roller coaster from hell. I don’t experience that anymore. Since life treats us all differently and the results sometimes leave permanent scares. The neurologist I see read some of my life history and most of my medical history. I call them war stories. This neurologist is a practicing Buddhist and while living in China he spent time being a monk. A very kind soul and always very optimistic about life. He referred to my life by saying I have collected too much dust. I have a different word for that. I do understand balance and energy flow and mine is out of balance. A blocked chakra he called it. This is one of the many reasons I tried acupuncture to unblock this. This part is very hard for me to explain. This acupuncturist was someone who my doctor recommended to me. She is very skilled in her art. The acupuncture was starting to help but as I might have mentioned this neurologist and my gastroenterologist did some medical things that hindered or stopped any progress. If you practice meditation you understand what the neurologist had told me. Supposedly he can read me, my energy. He also told me from what I use to experience was that I meditate at a higher level than most people. The acupuncturist also told me this. Just so you understand me a little, I have had no formal training in meditation. I first became aware of meditation while I was in college and my wrestling coach suggested that we should find other combat sports like karate or judo to help us. I chose KungFu. That is where I started meditating. You might understand this part. Both of us have CSS since early childhood. I dealt with my trauma by trying to find some place quite to calm down. I lived at that time in a forest area. Mother Nature at its finest. Quite, lots of places to walk to and animals to see. As I remember I was alone even then. It helped to calm me. The problem was I had to go home eventually and that wasn’t like that. That was the real beginning of my meditation experience. My family eventually move from there and I never was around a place like that again. From then on I was in a survival mode and I had to find places even for a short time that helped a little. Being hypersensitive at a young age and not knowing is crap. I learned about real life the hard way. Very little in the way of peace. At this point I hope you can understand what is meant by fight or flight when confronted by too much stress. Some people hide or run, I decided to fight. Basically I wasn’t given an option. That also happened at an early age. I never went looking for a fight but I didn’t run from one either. I never saw any point in doing that. This is not my genetics because I don’t see any purpose in fighting. It is a waste of time. I like being left alone. I mentioned I have two sons. One is a fighter the other one isn’t. One has been in the military for the past 20 years and the other one is a part time professional musician and a computer graphic designer. The one in the military is a math genius, and it is not me bragging, he just is. Why he chose the military is beyond me. I’m sorry, I have spent a little too much time thinking. I know when to stop, I can feel it

Jump to this post