Moderation and Modification: How can it help your chronic pain?

Good ideas here!

Over time I have adopted a method of breaking up tasks. By being able to use different muscle groups, alternating and resting those, it seems to be less of a burden on my system overall. I limit myself in the yardwork to an hour, or in the case of weed-pulling, a large bucket of weeds. Don't drag around a large container when filling a smaller one several times will do just fine. Pull some weeds, take a rest, then sweep [different muscle group], stop to admire progress, sit and look over things to plan for a future endeavor. There is rarely a situation that can't be addressed with "Nope, today is not a good day for that. Let's try for tomorrow." if need be. Housecleaning? No need to do it all in one day. A room at a time, or task at a time, is good enough.

Be gentle on yourself. "No shoulding on yourself!" You'll be much happier on the inside if you follow that self-talk, and may find it is easier to deal with others, too!

Accept that what you can do today, is what you can do today. It's okay to grieve what you can no longer accomplish, but celebrate what is possible now.
Ginger

No offense intended but this sounds like a study for a college class. Anyway, I pretty much have done both things for the last 30 years. Only I did it as part of growing in my religion. It began with a teaching someone gave me back in 1991, which was that I'd do best to "be a human be-ing" not a "human do-ing." To "just be" doesn't required needing to earn the right to exist. Also, to avoid being a human do-ing." That means to just plain skip finding my existense as someone who is doing "what (I) should." When a person becomes seriously disabled, whatever kind of disabling, I find it is best to do what I can. To continue to try to do what I "should" only sets me up for feeling a failure and inadequate. For example, if my condition makes it impossible for me to wash my outside windows, skip it. Ignore whomever is judging me for not doing them. Who are they to judge me for what I fail to do, anyway. Get on with doing what I can. Like managing to get the dishes done. Even if that means doing them in a bathtub. It's getting them done that matters. Or whatever you can do. And really, doing my dishes is much more important healthwise than washing the outsides of my windows. This also helps us re-evaluate our lives and learn to prioritize better. Later on, I can figure out how to get someone to come and do the windows for me. Maybe for trade, or because they are just great friends, or I got a Stimulus Check from the feds. If I do what I can, it's pretty amazing all the things I can still do, which keeps my attitute positive too. If a chore has to be arranged for, and I have to pay for it, so I do, who gets to say I didn't get it done, then? One has to give up speed though. I mean, doing anything in any measure of being speedy. It is accomplishments and a good try that matter when you have real disablings. Just as it now takes 4 times as long to dress yourself, it's that you got it done that matters. You will find an amazing amount of things you can still do, when you give up doing all you "should" do.

@thenazareneshul Thank you, thank you, thank you for contributing your perspective and experience of the past 30 years. Wow, an amazing lesson that you've applied to life and disability. I love that you hit the nail on the head and brought to light "good enough is good enough". Also, problem solving and acceptance. Your focus on finding the things you can do and accepting that some things you just have to let go of is right on point.

You're right, it kind of does sound like a study for a college class! Ha ha - that made me chuckle. 😊
It's actually "Moderation and Modification 101", in plain and simple terms and what I learned while attending Mayo Clinic's 3 week rehabilitation clinic. It's amazing that when someone is struggling to accept physical changes and a disability, their mental state wavers and things like these basic "101" lessons seem very overwhelming to apply.

Again, thank you for pitching in with your experience and positive outlook. You've provided great examples of how self-care is not selfish, even if it takes 4 times as long to get dressed. I think you're pretty amazing!

What other tips have worked for you over the years? I know I find myself struggling with perfectionism still. Although I do let a lot go and overlook, it's still hard, some days more than others. Do you have any advice?

@rwinney, @gingerw, @thenazareneshul, and others....Rachel, everything you noted was great, excellent advice on handling each day. Ginger, you put it more in line with what you accomplish each day. thenazareneshul put it in a different perspective. An interesting discussion of moderation and modification.

My simple addition to this lesson is it begins or began for me with acceptance. I worked on moderation most of my life. I grew up with a very successful father who repeatedly said, often at breakfast as he mentioned it was the most important meal of the day while eating his cereal or oatmeal with strawberries and blueberries, drank a juice glass of orange juice... Everything in moderation.

I worked for 60+ years on that concept. No good. I still struggled through the days and years with illnesses that required me to slow down or rest or whatever and meant I couldn't be the best at what I was attempting. I was therefore a failure. Nope.

The same with modification. How to modify without thinking from the place of moderation or disability or allowing yourself to need to modify. It took years for me, after years for the world to develop, to use products made for comfort with arthritic hands, wrists, legs, vertebrae issues, or muscle issues...I still thought I had to succeed by doing everything the best and being the best. Wow, what a load to carry all your life.

Now, thank you Ginger and Sue and Lori and so many others, now I accept the fact my body has limited abilities. There are actually things I cannot do. Amazing, eh? I can't walk safely, without falling or wobbling dangerously, without using a cane or walker. I must stand up slowly and give my body a chance to adjust to the new position. I hurt in most places at various times. But, I rest a lot now. Most days, I give my body real rest. Even back in bed if it helps. Some days, I'm on the computer or watching tv in bed because I cleaned the birdfeeders the day before.

That's ok now. The birds have clean and full feeders. That's a good thing. So, I rest the next day.

Ginger, cleaning one room is not possible for me. Hasn't been for years. I fought it for years. Beat myself up for years. So, now, after accepting this as the way my life is and no longer fighting with my body all the time, I do a load of dishes in the dishwasher, and that's that day's work. Or, collect and take out the garbage and that's it for that day. No vacuum, very little sweeping. Some dusting. I water my plants and talk with them. I no longer expect myself to clean the kitty litter every day as I did for years. Now. poor baby is lucky to get it cleaned 2X weekly. She howls at me on occasion while sitting in front of the litter box. I hate that I can't do better. Tell her I'll clean her litter later today or tomorrow...she looks at me and is satisfied. But, I follow through and schedule that task for what I promised. She's adjusting with me.

Acceptance. She accepts my limitations. I accept my body, my life, and my limitations. But, no longer think of limitations, but just as life as it is now. That has helped me more than anything in this pain journey. I love my hot pink, zebra-patterned walker. I accept the walker, but on my terms. I choose to put the birds and plants and animal needs first, as I get such joy from them. My needs are met each day. Just differently.

This works for me. I hope it helps others to get to the moderation and modification and a normal part of life, good life.

Be blessed all...elizabeth

Yup. I once (and only once) had a Care Coordinator. She had polio when she was young, and now pretty much spends all her time outside of bed, in a wheelchair. She's married, and has raised 5 children, and also her sister's 2 kids. She gave me a little lesson once about "being responsible." She told me that response-ablity is the meaning of that word "responsible" and that people get it's true meaning wrong all the time. I might be able to respond to many things other people would not, or could not expect of me, but that doesn't mean whatever situation or need is my fault. It means I am able to respond to it. Which is not to say that others are not response-able, too. Some may or may not be more response-able than me. Yet, if they do nothing and it's an important need, like say a child is being abused and I know of it, then it does come down to me to respond. What can I do about it? Well, actually, a whole assortment of things, just sitting at my desk. On the flip side, what I can not respond to, I am not response-able for. Still, can I help still? Maybe. Such as if I can make a phone call and the house next door is burning, sure, I can't run over there, but I can call 911. That might be all I can do, too. And never am I unable to pray, unless I'm just plain "out of it" via sleep or unconscious. In which case, I'm not responsible for anything, so don't beat myself up about it. The end result of all these things is learning to throw off other people's guilt trips and ideas of who is beautiful, and who isn't, things like that. It also means that when someone loves us still, it's value is beyond measure.

@ess77 Elizabeth - I've always liked the way you do things. You are a good role model and I personally would like to thank you for your Connect contributions and dedication.

Ohhh boy did you hit the nail on the head by mentioning acceptance. I concur, big time. Acceptance was the root of all evil for me because I struggled with finding it, but eventually I saw the light and realized I really had no choice and found ways that worked better for my situation. It's called making lemonade out of lemons, right?

I'm happy you have a kitty companion for company. And, let me tell you...a hot-pink, zebra patterned walker?!?! Woo wee, that speaks volumes about you and I love it!

Thanks again for being so positive and inspirational around these parts. You rock!

Hi Rachel, truly kind of you to reach out to people in pain. I, also am married but no kids. My long going pain is putting a strain on our marriage. Honestly, no I haven’t tried a lot of modifications, but it’s a great approach.vwashoping my therapist could help with ideas. Not yet. I will get back on connect and look for management suggestions.bthanks!

You're welcome @samz0429. Sometimes we have to fend for ourselves finding ideas and suggestions. Thats why Connect is so awesome, we can learn from others and share whats worked for us. Remain open to learning, you're doing a great job! 👍🏼

Hi, thank you for the confidence you gave me. Last week was good .. something happened and I turned for the worse sunday. All day nausea, despite medication and stomach is very swollen. Pooping every 2-3 hours. Enough of you complaining.

Hi Rainey, sorry for last post, I meant to say enough about my problems!