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Spouse with cognitive problems and finances

Caregivers: Dementia | Last Active: Dec 30, 2022 | Replies (290)

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@billchitwood

Bill has acquired a few close writer friends online over the years. They were getting concerned as no recent blogs or messages to them so I contacted them to update them that he hasn't been going on his computer as he has been having problems using it. They sent some lovely messages back, including writing this lovely blog as tribute.
I've afraid to bring up the computer as when he goes on it there are a LOT of angry outbursts and he will be upset for a few days. Yet I know he would enjoy knowing how much they care. One of those catch 22 positions.
At this point I'm not positive he would even recall who they are, unless it was one of his good days.
Has anyone gone through something like this? Thoughts?
His computer is next to him on the table but I don't think he is even aware of it. He can't use the phone unless I get it on speaker and keep it away from him (otherwise he turns it off or lowers the volume so much he can't hear it. All phone calls, even with kids, last about 2 to 3 minutes before he gives up and says goodbye.

https://www.gwenplano.com/blog-reflections/thank-you-billy-ray-chitwood

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Replies to "Bill has acquired a few close writer friends online over the years. They were getting concerned..."

Hu @billchitwood Scott here again. I'll relate a couple of changes my wife went through and how I tried to manage them with her.

She, too, became confused by many things, which previously had been second nature to her. One thing I moved to was reading her items, letters, news, etc. that she once could have done for herself. I tried to remove the frustration from something she had previously enjoyed, but now some aspect of it got in her way and aggravated her anxiety level.

My wife also lost interest in many of the things she had previously taken an interest in, especially talking on the phone. She used to love talking on the phone, but this changed to it being an intrusion and turned into simple /yes' or 'no' conversations and then nothing. She also used to enjoy visits a lot, but then they became too intrusive and likewise the shorter the better was her mantra. Oftentimes, when our daughter would visit my wife's first question of her, was "when are you leaving?". Heartbreaking for her (and me) at first, but talking it through helped her understand.

In the case of my wife, with her brain so broken, it seemed everything pretty much changed and I had to accept the old adage of "the only constant is change" and that those changes were being dictated by something over which neither of us had any control whatsoever.

Strength, Courage, & Peace