Hi JJ,
I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. It can take time to work through grief. I wonder if grief counseling might help you? I went through it when I lost my father and it was very helpful. I have a therapist I see twice a month and that’s very helpful also. It would be someone to talk to who could offer you constructive suggestions about how to handle what’s going on in your life. We all need that throughout our lives! Even with depression, I’ve always been a person who looks at the glass as half full! I’ve always felt things will get better if I do what I can for myself and put one foot in front of the other. Some days that simply means getting out of bed! I have back problems myself and just started treatment. I’ve had some injections that have helped tremendously! I also have fibromyalgia. I’ve done a lot to watch my diet and get a little exercise to help with pain and fatigue. That’s why I asked if you have a primary physician, and if you’ve shared some of the things your experiencing? Mine was able to refer me to a pain doctor as well as my therapist. If you’re having challenges motivating yourself, sometimes it helps to have someone to point you in helpful directions!
Meditation was difficult for me at first. My mind would wonder and I’d forget to breath! But I stuck with it and have found it has many benefits. It calms my mind and body. I use the Calm app but there are many to choose from. Also, finding something you enjoy doing whether it’s reading, drawing, cooking, etc. helps pass the time.
Just remember that we’re all doing the best we can to manage life on life’s terms!
Try to remember you’re in a tough place right now. Be good to yourself and give yourself time. That can be one of the most difficult things to do! Please think about getting the help you need, it could make all the difference! Finding contentment is within your reach! I just feel we all need a hand finding it sometimes! I have faith in you!