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Family support for LGBT children
LGBTQIA Health | Last Active: Nov 2, 2022 | Replies (22)Comment receiving replies
Question and concern about 6 yr old grandchild stating she is a boy. Parents are letting her express this in dress, haircut and pronouns. As a grandparent, I am ok with this, if indeed she sees herself this way. What bothers me is that she is only 6 and wonder if she is just "trying this on" or can she indeed know this at her age. I wonder if it just a phase, she might think she is an astronaut next week. Do not want to do the "wrong thing" but concerned this may be pushing her into something that is just a phase.
Replies to "Question and concern about 6 yr old grandchild stating she is a boy. Parents are letting..."
@swedegirl54 Thank you for coming here to ask this question. What @sueinmn said comes from someone with children and grandchildren [and I cannot come from that place].
And, thank you for being concerned enough to make sure you do not do something that may leave negative interactions with your family. We never know what may be going on in a youngster's mind, and it does us all well to foster what is authentic to them.
Ginger
Many non-binary people felt uncomfortable in their bodies most of their young lives so it is possible they know this about themselves at age 6. Parents and grandparents can be supportive no matter what this young person is feeling and that includes changes in gender or gender expression. With gender fluidity, anything is possible.
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May I ask you a question, please? Are the parents gently following the child's lead? If so, I am not sure there is a long-term problem. I would feel differently IF it seemed either parent was stepping out of the child's shadow & trying to lead, making one choice or another seem right or wrong.
It surely could be a phase, but being accepting and open now means that when other issues come up over the next few years, even a complete change of gender identity, the child will feel secure discussing it with family instead of hiding it like it is bad. We have friends whose child decided at eight he was a boy, but this summer, at 13 has decided to be referred to as it/they, created a gender-neutral name, and informed family they will "decide exactly later." Fortunately, parents, brothers, grandparents and cousins are very accepting.
My heart goes out to those who struggle with gender identity, but family can make it not so scary by being flexible and accepting, creating a safe landing zone for the questioning one.
I hope you can accept whatever he tries on over the next decade or so. If you are uncomfortable talking about it with your peers, get in touch with the the LGBTQIA support community at your church or a local school, where you can meet others with questions like yours.
Sue