Hi @charp , I am sorry your friend is not the same anymore. It is difficult when relationships change. I have dealt with chemo brain for more than 15 years. I have learned to be more patient with myself, than in the beginning.
When I was first diagnosed, the doctor kept saying, I needed to take care of this and then life would go back to normal in about a year. I kept waiting and hoping, but my pre-cancer normal was gone for good. With that realization came some depression and big decisions regarding my businesses, and yes even some of my closest relationships.
I can’t speak for your friend but I can say that pushing me was unhelpful, I was already very hard on myself. If you really want to spend time with you friend, could offer to go to her and visit, maybe bring a special lunch or desert. Realizing she can be herself with you, even with changes might go a long way towards helping her feel comfortable enough to to start coming out more with you again.

@charp I have been an active chemo patient for over a year now, due to a blood cancer diagnosis.

First, welcome to Mayo Clinic Connect. I am happy to read you care about your friend, and your relationship with her. And that you want to figure out to make it as good for everyone that you can. We all need friends like you!

Chemo brain is a real thing, losing my path in a conversation, or even mid-sentence. I take extra time to formulate and respond to questions, sometimes to the frustration of others. I find myself writing more notes down, not trusting my memory as much anymore; of course, that could be due to aging, also! It gives me comfort to write things down.

As a chemo patient who is going through cancer for the third time, plus working with additional serious health problems, I'd like to also mention something I have discovered. When we have "an awakening" or whatever you choose to call it, we often go through an emotional and mental process of rearranging our priorities, our manner of doing things, and how we interact with others. Sometimes we don't look like we used to, and that affects us. Sometimes our energy levels never go back to where they were, and we need to decide what has priority. Sometimes what was important before in our lives [like social situations of all kinds] just don't seem to please us as much. Maybe someone said something that hit us wrong, and we find it better to just not interact rather than hear comments we don't want to hear.

Be there for your friend. Like @auntieoakley mentioned, meet her for a quiet time together, see if there is something she would like to do. She may not realize how it affects you, and as your friend, she probably would like to know. Gently offer your support.
Ginger

@charp, I can understand your frustration and disappointment in the changes. You, too, have lost something that is dear to you - your friendship as it once was. That’s hard and you are mourning that. I get it.

I bet during her diagnosis and treatment, you (like her) were in the busy mode of “just getting through” and imagining that “once this is over, we’ll be able to ________again.”

As you look for ways to support your friend, I just want to acknowledge that you need support to. Be kind with yourself as you realize and accept that the road ahead still has bumps in it.

It sounds like your friend may be experiencing some cancer-related depression as well as brain fog. She might want to get some qualified help from someone who understands cancer, like a oncology social worker. Support from an oncology social worker can extend to you too.

You may find this blog post, written by the Mayo Clinc oncology social work team, helpful to learn more:
– How an Oncology Social Worker Can Help https://connect.mayoclinic.org/blog/cancer-education-center/newsfeed-post/how-an-oncology-social-worker-can-help/