@francess007

You are involved in some very worthwhile activities! I'm very pleased for you.
Yes, change is definitely a process and you are on the path!

Will you post again with questions or concerns?

In yesterday's mail I received the referral to a liver specialist in San Francisco. While I had anticipated the referral to arrive, I had an overwhelming response and sense of dread about the document as it caused me to think that my condition is "real", for lack of a better word. I will contact my Medicare Advantage Plan on Monday as they do offer transportation assistance and will also make the appointment for me. I do not have a car.
I am still frustrated with the way my "friends" and neighbors and even my family are reacting to my physical change. I spoke briefly with my sister yesterday afternoon and told her I was planning to get a haircut. I do wear my hair short and am always complimented on the way that I look and it is very stylish. She commented that I should let my hair grow as with short hair along with my weight loss I would clearly look like someone undergoing chemotherapy, and it is no wonder people look away when they see me now. I emailed her earlier in the week asking if she could stop by for an hour to talk to me about my feelings about my condition, knowing full well that we were raised in a very toxic environment, and no one was allowed to talk about their feelings and things of that nature. She never responded so I later sent another email apologizing for asking her for support as she does have a lot going on in her life. I have no family support and her comment about my hair threw me off. I still plan to get my regular hair cut, and if people think I am undergoing chemotherapy, I cannot do anything about it. I have been fortunate to build my own "family" and will find comfort among them. My neighbor and good friend told me last night that looking at me is shocking at times, my offer to help others scares her because I give so much of myself even when I look as sick as I do and sometimes feel. I help others because it is therapeutic for me, and it is helpful to others. She said these things because she is a friend, and I did not take offense, as she was offering me insight into what may be going on in the minds of others who see me now, and perhaps it reminds them of their own immortality or worse, they think if I am sick I may ask for help, which I have no plans to do. I just cannot get over the lack of humanity among many people, especially those I have known for many years. In any event, I am grateful for those who can look past the "different" me and accept that I am ailing. I have asked one of my friends to go with me to see the specialist as she is well versed in medicine, including organ diseases. I am hearing impaired and thought it would be of value to have someone to attend the appointment(s) with me as I am anxious about my condition and will probably forget to ask important questions of this doctor.
I have begun to experience more pain in my upper abdomen which is accompanied with some gastrointestinal issues. My doctor has suggested a food diary as I may need to go on an elimination diet. Honestly, this is becoming so overwhelming; it is no wonder I have not gone "mad" so to speak. Sometimes it is all too much, but I still wake up each day, look at my dog's picture and say, "Ducky, we got another day." She died in March 2022 and I still miss her presence in my life. Strangely enough, she would often stick her nose where my liver/pancreas is located and sniff for periods of time. She followed me everywhere and surely knew I was sick. Hopefully I will be paired soon with a foster dog that needs a break from the shelter, as I feel so alone at times and another dog would be of great comfort to me. I still walk every morning and would love to have a dog along with me.