Boy, I'd bet we all know that feeling and feel compassion for a yearning to recover a state of cancer-innocence as I think of it. The body has survived a trauma or two and will rebuild on its own schedule. This will sound goofy but, when I had a bad back injury, my P/T (who'd nearly died from a worse one from a paragliding disaster) recommended that I talk to my body. So, when I had back spasms that literally buckled my knees and caused me to collapse, I had a different attitude. Instead of being angry or impatient, I figured that my body was trying to protect itself from being further injured and kind of thanked it for getting my stubborn attention.

I cannot stress how much it helped but it made ALL the difference in healing. And reminded me that many great thinkers have stressed the mind/body unity that western thinking and medicine have lost focus on. I think western attitudes treat the body as a separate entity...a body to be worked or dieted into some dumb current ideal, muscles to be developed into innanity, endlessly more competitive sports events... it's odd when one thinks about.

Cancer is the unwelcome visitor and likely a result of myriad assaults on the body, including, I firmly believe, environmental toxins. Whether some others understand what you're going through, there are thousands of people who do and applaud your honesty and thousands who've come out the other side of the tunnel and can 'remember' when they felt the same way you do but no longer feel that way as life refills itself.