I too was in full on solution mode suddenly needing to understand what I was facing; the reality of the shocking diagnosis and the quick learning curve needed to make crucial decisions. Intellectual focus is a worthy defense mechanism… I read every piece scientific research and study available over the last 10 years trying to steer my way through benefit and risk options. I even applied to the TAILOR-RT clinical trial for which I ultimately did not qualify ( unrelated to BC reason).
I had a unilateral mastectomy. My ONCOTYPE score indicated no chemotherapy but I was in a gray area regarding radiation and prescribed AI for 5 possibly 10 years ( not gray area).

With ALL this dedicated energy and appointments and surgeries and follow ups I felt myself to be a part of this medical “community”.

Suddenly, the activity dust has settled. The medical “community” with which I was intimately connected is now organized with appointments 4 and 6 months apart. And here I am with my existential awareness of what I have gone through for precisely 6 months and one week, and what I will be existentially concerned with going forward.

For me, the time of processing has arrived. It’s a challenging time and my best advice to myself is to give this process a lot of space to evolve and get any support I may need.

It’s very difficult to answer those casual questions from friends and family, “ how are you doing?” I’m “ fine”! (but I’m not really fine… I have a weird sensation under my arm, my hair is thinning, I’m terrified of my upcoming mammo , I’m not sleeping well, Olivia Newton John just died, I just lost a breast to cancer, etc. etc. )

Anxiety, depression, mood swings? Yes… ALL could be a response to the incredible trauma we have all been through. That said, all angles need consideration including SE of medication. And when “responsive” anxiety, depression and mood swings become intractable professional help would be a good choice.

I have participated in an online breast cancer support group hosted, by the MC, on Monday evening. It’s a very good resource.

This is also a wonderful resource!

Jump to this post