Audrey,
Thank you for your kind words. We do share a bond that reading a book or explaining to someone - well, it just doesn’t quite make it clear to them (& their words often don’t make it quite clear to us … lack of common ground). . And some books I read just left me a bit baffled. I guess at times those two options just don’t quite cut it. (I guess… if you want to travel somewhere ask someone who has been, then comes clarity) How can one love someone who causes us to take the blame for their mistakes ? It’s because we know they are in there, buried deep - the inner child who was dealt things in life that left them somehow rewired and lacking empathy ( they are so busy pushing outward to protect their fragile innards ). They are often a bit like a closed box. When my husband passed people shared stories … I felt like I never knew him when I heard their tales even though I believe I knew him best of all. I feel he missed out on a lot of depth of life … but if that’s all he knew, how could he be missing out ? It was me who was frustrated, hurting and often lonely. He manipulated to protect himself at my expense (& I didn’t even know what he was protecting …. But if he felt called out in any way - for real or imagined reasons, he could be so arrogant or accusing that I would end up apologizing- say what ?!?!?! ) Now how can you explain that to someone who hasn’t lived it?!?? Take care of yourself. That’s the most important thing. Counseling, eating healthy, exercise. The stronger you are in yourself the less the narcissism can touch your heart. You will still see it, but the gaslighting they often use will have less power. Baby steps to be the best you in turn brings you your best life. I wish you strength. You’ve got this !!! The fact that you see there is a problem (& that the problem is not you) becomes the start of the solution ( however that may look in your case ) that much closer. Blessings !!!!! Perhaps I could recommend the Mayo Clinic Handbook to Happiness book by Amit Sood. It’s not on Narcissism- but it is about getting control back into your life and choosing happiness ( or rather choosing to practice steps that bring happiness ).