My observation has been that people tend to rely on their religious beliefs or a rational acceptance of mortality. I'm an agnostic and can't help on the religious front, but I will make a suggestion on the rational front that I've used to explain to others how I'm dealing with my diagnosis and prognosis.
We are all mortal, and we are all dying in the sense that as we age, we get closer to our end. This was true for me and other cancer patients before our diagnosis and continues to be true today. If, for example, we cancer patients were cured of our disease today, tomorrow we would again face other ends that anyone may encounter: traumatic accidents, sudden cardiac arrest, other diseases, etc. There is no way around our mortality.
So, the main difference between facing a poor prognosis now rather than later is that we likely have a shorter amount of time to enjoy what we can, make amends, and such. I hedge with "likely" because there is no way to reliably predict the future. Some different therapy may work better for us, or some new and reliably effective therapy may appear tomorrow that would postpone our inevitable end.
In the words of novelist, Jack London, "The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.”
I love your perspective on life and death and I agree. One of my nephews died instantly in a car accident at age 24. The 3 closest friends I’ve ever had have all died from various types of cancer. One of them was the primary caregiver for her parents who were well into their 90s at the time and lived several more years after my friend died. I’ve learned from these experiences not only why we need to live each day as if it could be our last, but also that it’s possible to face death with grace, courage, and dignity.
Since my original post here, my husband has had 3 chemo treatments that really knocked him down because he was already very sick before starting. Now he is talking more about quality of life and plans to begin a much less aggressive chemo regimen next week.
He still doesn’t talk much about his own mortality, but I think he is reflecting on it more than before. I really appreciate having a forum like this to share what’s on my heart and mind with people who truly understand.
You are brave, wise, and very generous. Thank you.